Not that life in the burbs is any more wholesome. The Long Island housewives of Ellen Meister's Secret Confessions of the Applewood PTA scheme to get George Clooney whom they all long to ''shtup'' to shoot his new film at their elementary school. In between vicious PTA squabbles, the matrons cope with manicure and laundry crises, extramarital affairs, and swimsuit fittings. Ex-Friend Lisa Kudrow pulls off a comic tour de force with this featherweight material, giving distinctive voice to at least six different yentas, several drab husbands, and one vulgar Hollywood producer. Raunchy, absurd, and entertaining in the extreme, this would make a dandy travel companion on an all-female road trip.