Celebulary

by Adam Bluestein and I.W. Nicholson

PENÉLOPE'S BLUES (n.) The tragic failure of the world's most beautiful woman to land a memorable English-language movie role.

MONKEY WRENCH (n.) An illogical ''surprise'' ending tacked on to a heavily hyped but wildly underwhelming movie (see ''Planet of the Apes'').

CURSE OF THE AGED THESPIAN (n.) The stubborn insistence of a once-great director on casting himself opposite leading ladies young enough to be his, umm...never mind (see Woody Allen's latest).

BIGGS SHOT (n.) A film scene that relies on a comic act of self-love to amuse underage moviegoers (see ''American Pie 2'').

'N SYNCABLE (adj.) Demonstrating a surprising immunity to the shifting fancies of usually fickle teen fans -- and to the universal derision of critics.

HARI-CAREY (n.) A meltdown tending to occur just as one's career is hitting a ''Glitter''-y pinnacle (see Mariah).

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