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The Heche Files

She was kind enough to bless us with her wit and wisdom

Image credit: Anne Heche Illustration by Hungry Dog Studio

You have to hand it to Anne Heche. Whereas most celebs simply act as if they're God's gift to earth, the lesbian of yesteryear was thoughtful enough to summon a split personality to prove it. ''I was called Celestia, the reincarnation of God,'' writes Heche in her autobiography, ''Call Me Crazy,'' of her alter ego (who existed up until that breakdown she had last year near Fresno, Calif.). ''In my mind, I became Jesus.'' Truly believing she was from the ''fourth dimension'' and that she was ''getting messages from [her] planet every day about how to make the world a better place,'' Heche/Celestia even created a secret language to talk to God. During her ''20/20'' interview, Heche graced Barbara Walters with a snippet of the foreign tongue: ''Oh, Quiness, ah ka fota tuna dunna,'' she said, which roughly translated means ''I need a publicist who can do crisis management, stat!'' (Actually, it means ''Oh God, it is a good fortune to be here.'') Check out these other pearls of wisdom Celestia left behind for us.

On the Power of Healing ''Oh, Quiness, Nakka dune notta. Ik all notra daska don.'' (''Oh my God. I cannot do this. It's too scary for me now.'' Nevertheless, Heche/Celestia did proceed to heal a friend's twisted ankle via a laying on of hands.)

On the Mysteries of the Female Anatomy ''Everything we feel or think will already have been programmed into our brains as we're coming out of the [birth] canal.''

On God, Love, War, Pain, Ego, and then back to God ''God is love. The world is love. There is no pain unless we agree to pain. War is an ugly battle of ego. Ego must die. We are all God.''

On Peace and Calm ''You are Peace and Calm, my escorts sent from heaven'' (to the policemen who found her inside a stranger's home near Fresno).

Originally posted Dec 31, 2001
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