You Can Quote Me On It

Image credit: Legally Blonde: Tracey Bennett

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''All over the world, there are 800 million people watching us right now. And every one of them is thinking the exact same thought: that we're all gay.'' --Oscar host STEVE MARTIN

''Everyone needs money. That's why it's called money.'' --DANNY DeVITO as Bergman in ''Heist''

''You know what the problem with Hollywood is? They make s---. Unbelievable, unremarkable s---.'' --JOHN TRAVOLTA as Gabriel in the opening moments of his critically panned ''Swordfish''

''First, the worst thing that could happen is if my boyfriend would break up with me. I would be totally devastated. And then, after the depression, maybe I did some dorky movies that were just bombs. Then, I don't know, s---. Then I did another album that didn't do very well. And then it's back to working at my granny's deli. Back to rolling quarters and boiling crawfish and smelling like a fish on my dates.'' --BRITNEY SPEARS, speculating on her future

''I just wanted you to know that I have seen the documentary 'Scared Straight' 17 times. Never took.'' --SEAN HAYES as Jack on ''Will & Grace''

''And last week I saw Cameron Diaz at Fred Segal, and I talked her out of buying this truly heinous angora sweater. Whoever said orange was the new pink was seriously disturbed.'' --REESE WITHERSPOON as Elle Woods in ''Legally Blonde''

''It's been very clear to me from the very beginning that, Tina, you have been the mastermind behind all of the strategies that have taken place. And your greatest strategy of all was getting Colby to pick you over Keith, to be sitting where you are sitting right now. So I can't help but have a great sense of respect for that.'' --''Survivor: The Australian Outback'''s breakout bitch JERRI MANTHEY, casting her final vote for eventual champ Tina Wesson

''I don't think you're ready for this jelly'' --DESTINY'S CHILD, in ''Bootylicious'' from Survivor

''Scientology rocks!'' -KELLY PRESTON on Barbara Walters' pre-Oscar special

''...a love letter to people who are overweight.'' --GWYNETH PALTROW, defending her big-is-beautiful romantic comedy ''Shallow Hal'' on the ''Today'' show

''Nicole and I don't have a lot in common, but the one thing we do have in common is we're both attracted to me.'' --''Big Brother 2'''s hunky eventual champ WILL KIRBY

''So what am I doing? Oh, I'm chasing this guy. No, he's chasing me!'' --GUY PEARCE as Leonard Shelby in ''Memento''

''This is a great gladiator movie? Look at Kirk Douglas' f---in' hair. They didn't have flattops in ancient Rome!'' --''Gladiator'' fanatic Ralph (JOE PANTOLIANO), watching ''Spartacus'' on ''The Sopranos''

''The whole country is experiencing a newfound sense of patriotism. For instance, Puff Daddy has changed his name from P. Diddy to P. Doodle-Dandy.'' --DAVID LETTERMAN on ''Late Show''

''I won't be able to make it to your imaginary wedding.... I already have a unicorn baptism and a leprechaun bar mitzvah!'' --LISA KUDROW's Phoebe to Jennifer Aniston's Rachel, who has just lied to her dad that she and Ross (David Schwimmer) are getting married on ''Friends''

''I'm telling you, this movie for $135 million is a steal! It's a f---ing bargain!'' --''Pearl Harbor'' director MICHAEL BAY

''And love won't play any games with you, anymore/If you don't want 'em to/So we better shake this old thing out the door/I'll always be thinking of you/I'll always love you, though, New York'' --RYAN ADAMS, in ''New York, New York'' from Gold