''My friends say I have to get back on the bike, and I keep saying 'Maybe
not a bike.'''
—Sheryl Crow, discussing her breakup with Tour de France champ Lance Armstrong, on Ellen
''You were in Baghdad for six hours! And you weren't even in the real
Baghdad you were in the Green Zone. That's like going to the Olive
Garden and saying you've been to Italy.''
—Jon Stewart, reacting to President Bush touting his meeting with the Iraqi prime minister, on The Daily Show
''I knew it was the last seven limoncellos that was going to get me.''
—Danny DeVito, on his night of drinking with George Clooney, on The View
''I've had it with these motherf--ing snakes on this motherf---ing
—Neville (Samuel L. Jackson) in Snakes on a Plane
''So go ahead and get gone/Call up that chick and see if she's home/Oops,
I bet ya thought that I didn't know/What did you think I was putting you
''We're auditioning to be parents?... Just to be clear: Some slutty
cheerleader gets knocked up by the soccer coach behind the local gas 'n
gulp and she is going to make sure we're quality people?''
—Gabrielle (Eva Longoria), after being told she needs to apply to adopt a child, on Desperate Housewives
''Attention, Huxtables. There is a block party jump-off right around the
corner.... Bring Rudy, Theo, Denise.''
—Dave Chappelle in Dave Chappelle's Block Party
''I feel duped. But more importantly, I feel that you betrayed millions
—Oprah Winfrey to A Million Little Pieces author James Frey
''I already feel like I'm tanner, thinner, and need to hide my
homosexuality in order to be cast as a leading man.''
—Will (Eric McCormack), after arriving in L.A., on Will & Grace
''Dark hair is like a giant light-up arrow pointing to what is wrong with
you. Blond hair it all sort of blends in a haze of beige.''
—Lorelai (Lauren Graham), discussing celebrity dye jobs, on Gilmore Girls
''Nobody appreciates their girlfriend until they get herpes from the next
—Johnny Drama (Kevin Dillon) on Entourage
''Let's pretend for a second/You don't know who I am.''
—''Tell Me,'' Diddy
''And he don't know/That I dug my key into the side of his pretty little
souped-up four-wheel drive/Carved my name into his leather seat/I took a
Louisville Slugger to both headlights/Slashed a hole in all four
tires/And maybe next time he'll think...''
—''Before He Cheats,'' Carrie Underwood
''Roses are red/Some diamonds are blue/Chivalry is dead/But you're still
—''Promiscuous,'' Nelly Furtado feat. Timbaland
''Kiss my frozen tushy! Kiss it, kiss it!''
—Ramon the penguin (Robin Williams) in Happy Feet
''I'm one stomach flu away from my goal weight!''
—Emily (Emily Blunt) in The Devil Wears Prada