'American Idol' recap: Relax, It's Just Six!

We're seven weeks into American Idol's eighth season, and while I ought to be celebrating the fact that the puzzle is coming together, that half the show's finalists have been revealed, there are too many questions plaguing my Idol-addled mind to indulge in such a luxury. Like, for example, how good really are the six contestants who've already assumed their positions on the Silver Stools of Safety? Could Idol's return to a top 36 format be robbing us of the types of contestants who need a few weeks of televised experience to bloom (like, say, David Cook or Jordin Sparks)? Do the show's producers realize that we all realize that they're trying to manipulate us harder, earlier, and more blatantly than ever before? Are the Sway-Bots plotting a return to the Kodak for the start of the Top 12? Is there a way to ensure I never again have to see footage of the auditioning imbecile in the Statue of Liberty costume? And will Lil Rounds get the pimp spot next week?

Okay, so we already know the answer to that last one. But still, if you're like me, and experiencing symptoms of Premature Idol Panic Syndrome (PIPS), I have just the thing to calm your nerves. Yes indeed, in what's fast becoming a results-night tradition here at EW.com, I've penned a little ode to tonight's Group 2 Semifinals, set to the tune of Heart's ''Alone.'' Feel free to sing along — unless your name is Ramiele Malubay! (Badum-bum!)

I hear the ticking of the clock
I'm on the couch it's nine-oh-five/
One of my favorites just went home/
Two others are still quite alive/
Oh this episode went by so slow/
But the judges' pet he closed the show/
Idol

Oh wow, Kris Allen's support just went tidal/
He wasn't even crushed by lack of screen-time/
But Matt Giraud looked homicidal/
This is what happened on Idol/
This is what happened on Idol/

You don't know how hard I had voted/
To lend support to Mishavonna/
I'll pray she gets a Wild Card but/
Won't do the same for Kai Kalama/
Adam Lambert is so not my fave/
Yet he sure makes Kara rant and rave/
Idol

And now, the pink-haired teenager, she sidled/
Onto a silver stool of safety/
When she sings Heart she's sure unbridled/
This is what happened on Idol/
This is what happened on Idol/
This is what happened on Idol/
On Idol!!!

Whew! Okay, that was cathartic. And because tonight's results are now 100 percent official, let's press pause on my aforementioned litany of cynical questions and take a closer look at our trio of successful semifinalists — who they are, how they advanced to the top 12, and what kind of chance they've got at taking a coveted confetti shower on a storied Wednesday night twelve weeks from now. We'll start with...

NEXT: Allison's promise

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