Sound Bites

''Yeah, if you're going to a Wham! concert with Molly Ringwald.''
CHARLIE (CHARLIE SHEEN), AFTER ALAN (JON CRYER) ASKS IF HIS NEW PIERCED EAR IS COOL, ON TWO AND A HALF MEN

''Just when you think Bree's thrown every conceivable theme party, she hosts a 'Shame on you for thinking my husband killed someone' dinner.''
LYNETTE (FELICITY HUFFMAN), ON DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES

''Booty — to me, that means pirate's treasure. That's the first thing that comes to my mind. But she explained to me that that means, actually, sexual intercourse, and a lot of things started clearing up because I'm a big rap fan.''
SANJAY, AFTER A CONVERSATION WITH CORY, ON BEAUTY AND THE GEEK

''Minus his record for spousal abuse and armed robbery, the guy's a real prize. Move over, Bachelor Bob!''
SANDY (PETER GALLAGHER), CRITICIZING RYAN'S FATHER (KEVIN SORBO), ON THE O.C.

''This is untoward. This is not toward!''
TRACY (TRACY MORGAN), ON 30 ROCK

''I was 23 and it was with my mom's 45-year-old divorced friend Rhonda. She called me Barry the whole time, and for two weeks my comforter smelled like menthol cigarettes.''
BARNEY (NEIL PATRICK HARRIS), DISCUSSING HIS FIRST TIME, ON HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER

''Britney Spears' manager is denying reports that Britney passed out on New Year's Eve and instead says she was exhausted and fell asleep after leading the New Year's Eve countdown. When asked why she was so tired, Britney said, 'Countin' is hard!' ''
CONAN O'BRIEN, ON LATE NIGHT