Sound Bites

''Lots of hair, too many women, likes elevators and long walks on the beach.''
DR. BAILEY (CHANDRA WILSON), SUMMING UP McDREAMY (PATRICK DEMPSEY), ON GREY'S ANATOMY

''Five of us transferred from Stamford. There's two of us left — me and Karen. It's like we're touring Willy Wonka's chocolate factory and dropping off one by one. Well, guess what? I'm not falling in a chocolate river.''
ANDY (ED HELMS), ON THE OFFICE

''But now your ex is camped out on our doorstep, like I am hosting some kind of Mormon slumber party, and I do not know how I'm gonna bake my way out of this one.''
BREE (MARCIA CROSS) TO ORSON (KYLE MACLACHLAN), ON DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES

''You couldn't have been serious about acting for a living — you have brown hair.''
JENNA (JANE KRAKOWSKI), TO LIZ (TINA FEY), ON 30 ROCK

''I went to prom with one of the temps from my dad's office, and she had to go because my dad caught her with a lie on her résumé. She didn't know crap about Excel.''
LOUIS (JOSH GRISETTI), ON THE KNIGHTS OF PROSPERITY

''I would never throw my daughter in the garbage. She's four! She would just crawl out and follow me home.''
LOUIS CK, ON THE DAILY SHOW

''President Bush will address the nation tomorrow night and his speech will pre-empt Deal or No Deal. To appease fans of the show, the president will hide his Iraq strategy in one of 26 suitcases.''
CONAN O'BRIEN, ON LATE NIGHT

''During his prime-time address to the nation Wednesday, President Bush announced that he is sending 21,500 more troops to Iraq. Unfortunately, they're improv troupes.''
AMY POEHLER, ON SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE