Sound Bites

Sound Bites

TV's funniest lines from Jan. 16 to 22. Read the expanded online-only version of our favorite quips, then vote for the best quote

''Milhouse, thanks to you, the nerds can breathe easy! Except the ones with asthma. Which is all of them.''
LISA, CELEBRATING MILHOUSE'S TRIUMPH OVER BULLIES, ON THE SIMPSONS

''You could give Marcel, like, a piece of rat crap and he could probably make it look pretty on the plate — but is it going to taste good?''
SAM, DISSING FELLOW CONTESTANT MARCEL, ON TOP CHEF

''Wow, this is one trashed lab. All that's missing is a big hole in the wall shaped like the Hulk.''
MAC (TINA MAJORINO), AFTER RESPONDING TO A RESEARCH LAB'S REQUEST FOR TECH SUPPORT, ON VERONICA MARS

''Let us just stand here and let the awkwardness wash over us.''
MICHEL (YANIC TRUESDALE), GIVING UP ON TRYING TO CHAT WITH LUKE (SCOTT PATTERSON), ON GILMORE GIRLS

''Things are heating up between John Mayer and Jessica Simpson, with Simpson accompanying Mayer for part of his tour in Florida. Mayer is working on a new song called 'Your Body Is a Wonderland, and Your Brain Is a Wind Tunnel.' ''
JOEL McHALE, ON THE SOUP

''I am a singer, a dancer, and a superstar. You can ask my family. You can ask my friends. You can ask my therapists.''
NEW YORKER IAN BENARDO, AUDITIONING ON AMERICAN IDOL

''This must be devastating for such a private person. You know you have a problem when you have so many sex tapes, you need a storage unit for them.''
JIMMY KIMMEL, DISCUSSING YET ANOTHER PARIS HILTON SCANDAL, ON JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE

Sound Bites Poll

Originally posted Jan 26, 2007 Published in issue #920 Feb 09, 2007 Order article reprints
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