''Senator Obama is not the first African American to run for president, but he's the first African American to have a prayer. Which is ironic, since two of the others were reverends.''
STEPHEN COLBERT, ON THE COLBERT REPORT
''I couldn't do it. Without a bra I could trip.''
JOY BEHAR, DISCUSSING CHRISTINA AGUILERA'S ADMISSION THAT SHE AND HER HUSBAND WALK AROUND NAKED ON SUNDAYS, ON THE VIEW
''Thousands of fans waited for the Colts back in Indianapolis today in what may have been the worst victory parade ever....It was so cold that Tony Dungy is now also the first blue coach to win a Super Bowl.''
JIMMY KIMMEL, ON JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE
''Hats off, Mother, for colluding in my rape. I think it's great that we can still surprise each other.''
ORSON (KYLE MACLACHLAN), TO GLORIA (DIXIE CARTER), ON DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES
''What are you, gay?''
UTAH MINISTER TO BART, AFTER BART SAID THAT HE ONLY WANTED TO MARRY ONE WOMAN, ON THE SIMPSONS
''It's a guy with no chin and permanent bedhead.''
CLAIRE (JUDITH LIGHT) SEEING A PHOTO OF BETTY'S BOYFRIEND WALTER (KEVIN SUSSMAN) POPPING UP ON HER CELL-PHONE SCREEN, ON UGLY BETTY
''The Schrutes have their own traditions. We usually marry standing in our own graves. It makes the funerals very romantic. But the weddings are a bleak affair.''
DWIGHT (RAINN WILSON), ON THE OFFICE
''A London hair stylist has been using bull semen to soften his clients' hair. Worse, it's Bull from Night Court.''
AMY POEHLER, ON SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE
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