''The Hills'': Heidi's caught in the middle
Okay, raise your hand if you're totally over Spencer. Yeah, me too. And clearly, so is Lauren, whether or not he bought her a dozen roses.
Speaking of those flowers, whose intended recipient was in such question, which is sketchier: that Spencer would randomly bring them for Heidi on a lunch date, or that he would bring them for her to give to Lauren to make peace? Either way, that's what Shakespeare meant by ''doth protesting too much.'' Any dude showing up with a dozen roses in broad daylight outside a holiday or anniversary is up to something. I'm just saying.
So while the rift between Lauren and Heidi widened, Lauren was hanging with recent Heidi nemesis Audrina, dissecting the Spencer sitch and eating leftovers. (''Are we eating at the table?'' Lauren said. ''Look at us adults.'' I have to admit, her cuteness is kinda growing on me.) ''I just have the feeling,'' Lauren concluded at the end of Heidi-Spencer discussion No. 963, ''that it's going to be really bad.'' Listen, young impressionable women, here's the thing: I've always taken a hands-off attitude when it comes to my friends' dating lives there's nothing you can say to convince a girl her boyfriend is a jerk before she's ready to face it but on the other hand, if every single one of your friends is dropping you because of your association with a certain gentleman, something's wrong with the dude.
I seriously can't wait till we can start talking about something other than Spencer here, honestly. I mean, even poor, clueless Whitney could speak of nothing else during our obligatory Teen Vogue office scene. The only thing worse? Actually listening to Spencer himself talk. Though he totally gets acting points for pretending he wasn't going to go to ''the club,'' Area you know, The Hills' Central Perk that one night. Of course he was going to go. What would we do for the next 17 minutes otherwise? Watch Whitney shrug and look around vacantly?
But if Spence really wanted to keep us guessing, he could've done a better job of surprising us once he got there. He could've, I don't know, sipped some herbal tea, or sat in a corner with a book of Sudoku, or even just made himself some nice new male friends. But no, he just macked on some more girls that is, before Lauren stepped in and had it out with him. ''Heidi gets me and she knows who I am,'' Spencer shot back, vaguely implying that they're part of some kind of transcendent love story in which the saintly woman accepts the flawed man despite his ginormous sleaze reflex. I say Heidi's in denial, and whatever goes on during their so-called ''sleepovers'' must be pretty good to keep her sticking around like this. And, incidentally, I'm totally proud of Lauren our timid, passive little girl really came into her own sticking up for her friend like that, even if the friend didn't want any sticking up for.
I'm oddly proud of Brody as well, the way he was able to stop trying to get Lauren into bed long enough to defend his friend, creep though he may be. ''Of course he was a little bit wrong,'' the hair-product-laden one said to Lauren, ''but maybe he feels a little threatened by you.''
Then it was back to the confusion-inducing roses for a few final plot twists. A review, because it's tricky: First, Spencer showed up with the roses at lunch; then Heidi tossed them to Lauren when she got home and implied he'd bought them to make amends. Now Spencer, while blabbing to Brody, was all, ''Lauren thinks I got her a dozen roses, but it's like, 'Yeah, right, I'm not spending a dollar on you.''' (Break for a sad-music montage with a random shot of Lauren being pensive at good old FIDM including a background cameo by none other than former Project Runway contestant Nick Verreos passing out papers or something.) Then, during the climactic blow-up between Lauren and Heidi at home, Lauren was wondering, ''Why would he buy me flowers?'' (Join the club, honey!) Heidi finally cleared it all up: ''I said it like a joke.'' Ooooh, good one. Apparenly Lauren wasn't so amused either, as this (weirdly) seemed to be the final straw that sent her stomping into her room and slamming the door. Which was followed by a very... dramatic... Heidi-packing-her-bags scene.
If this means we can stop talking about Spencer to focus fully on the Heidi-Lauren showdown, I'm all for it. But somehow, I don't think we'll be that lucky.
What do you think? Is Spencer worth even one-tenth of all the drama he's causing? Is Brody a jerk by association? And do you wish you'd been a fly on the wall during Heidi and Lauren's fights about Jason?