''At least I leave you funnier than when I met you.''
SETH (ADAM BRODY), SAYING GOODBYE TO RYAN (BEN MCKENZIE), ON THE SERIES FINALE OF THE O.C.
''Lemon, I would like to teach you something. I would like to be Michelle Pfeiffer to your angry black kid who learns that poetry is just another way to rap.''
JACK (ALEC BALDWIN), TO LIZ (TINA FEY), ON 30 ROCK
''It would be like Ryan [Seacrest] doing the news. [It] just wouldn't work.''
SIMON COWELL, ON AMERICAN IDOL, EXPLAINING TO ANTONELLA BARBA THAT SHE'D CHOSEN A SONG FAR TOO BIG FOR HER TALENT LEVEL
''President Bush flew to North Carolina today to discuss ideas for cutting gas consumption. The best idea was for Bush to not fly Air Force One to North Carolina.''
CONAN O'BRIEN, ON LATE NIGHT
''The Broadway hit The Producers will end its run. So get down there while you have a chance and catch The Producers, now starring Joey Buttafuoco and a tape recorder with a hat on it.''
AMY POEHLER ON SNL
''Al Gore...looked resplendent in a tux made of recycled Uniroyal tires. His movie, An Inconvenient Truth, won Best Documentary, but somehow he did not. For whatever reason, they didn't list him as a producer in the credits. Not winning things he won seems to be a pattern for him.''
JIMMY KIMMEL, ON JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE