Music Article

Songs to 'Toon' Out

Master Shake's all-time worst tacks -- The "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" character tells us what songs drive him crazy

This straw man is an egomaniacal, anthropomorphic fast-food beverage as well as star of the Cartoon Network's Adult Swim show Aqua Teen Hunger Force. He will next be seen in Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters, opening on April 13.

1. 'Mr. Jones' Counting Crows (1993)
''It is incredible how stupid the lyrics to this song are. Take the worst open-mic poetry you've ever heard, then let an ugly frat boy with dreadlocks bounce around and sing it to you. There! You just saved 10 bucks.''

2. 'Forever Young' Rod Stewart (1988)
''Yeah, awesome. Telling your kid he's never going to die is a great idea. Like he's not going to go test that out. When he comes home with a cobra hanging from his neck, don't come crying to me.''

3. 'I Touch Myself' The Divinyls (1991)
''When I think of the Divinyls touching themselves, I get more than a touch of nausea. What are they now, like, 70?''

4. 'Butterfly' Crazy Town (1999)
''Shame on you, Crazy Town, for giving crazy people a bad name. At least when crazy people crap their pants they don't record it and put it on albums. Mediocre Town wasn't taken — why didn't you roll with that name?''

5. 'Insane in the Brain' Cypress Hill (1993)
''You're not insane, guys. You're just really, really stoned, and that's pretty much all you have to talk about.''

Originally posted Mar 30, 2007 Published in issue #929 Apr 13, 2007 Order article reprints