Sound Bites

Sound Bites

TV's funniest lines from June 19 to July 2. Read our favorite quips, then vote for the best quotes

''Get over it. You didn't die.''
NICKI (CHLOË SEVIGNY), TO HER BROTHER ALBY (MATT ROSS), WHO'S STILL BITTER OVER BEING POISONED, ON BIG LOVE

''Sixty-eight percent of Republicans don't believe in evolution. On the other hand, only 5 percent of monkeys believe in Republicans.''
STEPHEN COLBERT, ON THE COLBERT REPORT

''That was my least favorite thing next to adolescence and being left by a man for a man.''
JUDGE CARRIE FISHER, AFTER VIEWING A CONTESTANT'S EGREGIOUSLY BAD FILM, ON ON THE LOT

''Whenever you are about to shoot, you get butterflies, but if you're prepared and take care of your instrument, what could go wrong? Tony Danza taught me that.''
DRAMA (KEVIN DILLON), EXPLAINING ACTING, ON ENTOURAGE

''Child, the hair comes off too.''
GUEST JUDGE DEBBIE ALLEN, TO HOST CAT DEELEY, AFTER ADMITTING THAT SHE WAS WEARING FALSE EYELASHES, ON SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE

''Definitely when I have a daughter, I have a lot of good advice for her.''
PARIS HILTON, ON LARRY KING LIVE

''She told Larry King last night that she'd never done drugs. Although it turns out, when she said she'd never 'done' drugs, that meant that she'd never had sex with them.''
JIMMY KIMMEL, ON PARIS HILTON, ON JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE

''It was so hot today, David Hasselhoff was eating off the floor at Ben & Jerry's.''
DAVID LETTERMAN, ON THE LATE SHOW

''Bob Barker has endorsed Rosie O'Donnell to become the new host of The Price Is Right. If she takes the job, Rosie will end each show by saying, 'Please remember to spay or neuter Donald Trump.' ''
CONAN O'BRIEN, ON LATE NIGHT

Sound Bites Poll

Originally posted May 18, 2007 Published in issue #943 Jul 13, 2007 Order article reprints
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