Last night, as I was about to fire up On the Pot, I noticed that my favorite movie of all time, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, was unreeling over on AMC, and it was right at the great part where the Chief thanks McMurphy for the Juicy Fruit and then McMurphy gets juiced himself (''A dab'll do ya!''). So I hit record, with plans to watch the rest of it as soon as I polish off this quick TV Watch. To get me there faster, we're live-blogging this sucker for the second week in a row. Sue me.

0:01 ''Grab your friends and coworkers, and let's go to the movies!'' cries the leadoff announcer man. Okay, I don't mean to get stopped up this soon, but whose coworkers is this dude talking about? People, tell me this: I've harrumphed before about how I'm the only person at Entertainment Weekly still watching this bad-news show, and if I — working at an effing entertainment magazine — can't get coworkers to watch On the Lot, are some of you desk jockeys out there honestly going to tell me you work with someone, somewhere down the hall from you or whatever, who watches this show too?

0:01:30 Because I seriously don't believe you. Not enough people in the country watch this cellar-rated program for two On the Lot fans to be in close enough physical proximity to ever hash over an episode the next morning at the same watercooler. If you want to talk to another On the Lot fan in person, wherever you are, my guess is you have to get in the car and drive out well past the horizon till you get to another house that tunes in. In this respect, all of us here — we're now united, like the band of survivors in The Stand, no? I'm the leader, Stu (played by Gary Sinise), of course; somewhere out there is a Fran (Molly Ringwald) whose baby I will raise as my own, and if by chance there's a deaf-mute out there reading this, congratulations — you get to be Nick Andros (Rob Lowe). The rest of the characters you can all divide up amongst yourselves in the message board below. (Elderly black women, speak up! Mother Abagail is a killer part.) As your leader, I admire our resilience, and I almost want to invite each and every one of us over to my apartment for the On the Pot season finale. If somebody brings some extra chairs, we'd be fine.

0:02 Okey-doke. With that out of the way, I'll take a deep breath and get going. First, let's eliminate somebody from last week. Problem is, as usual, I still can never remember who the @#$%&! directed what last week. Other problem is, as usual, we gotta sit through another couple of painfully obvious moments of setting up the cut. This week's kill-me-now bullet to the head comes courtesy of Sam. ''You know,'' he tells the camera, ''at this point in the competition, the fact is that somebody has to go home every week, so I'm definitely not feeling safe.'' Sam, you dope, I can only hope that you're reading cue cards against your will, and that Mark Burnett will light up your testicles with electrodes unless you say what's on them — because, dear man, has there ever been a point in this competition where somebody hasn't gone home every week?

0:02:30 And, people, why does someone always say something stupid like this every single episode before the elimination? Every time it happens, I sit here feeling even more like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day. (And in case you haven't noticed, I'm currently at the stage where Bill was when he woke up and started just smashing his alarm clock with his fist for a hammer.)

0:03 This isn't working. I'll hurry up, I promise. The guy who gets eliminated is...well, first let's talk about Adrianna. Don't you love it when she shows up every week to throw someone off the boat, and as she delivers her death blow, her brow always gets all clinched and cloudy, and she slows up her speech to try to sound more serious? Every Tuesday at this moment, it's like she's gently but firmly turning down the retarded kid who just asked her to prom.

0:03:30 This week the unlucky reject is the former front-runner, Zach. Boom, there goes the neighborhood! Great job, America. His last two movies weren't his best, but how could you let this guy go? Zach should've won this thing eight weeks ago. The producers, however, are overjoyed, because — in the only good part of the whole show, maybe whole season — Zach tears up. And their cameras keep tracking him even as he retreats down a dark hallway, catching every last sniffle on audio. Luckily, in no time Adrianna has us back in party mode: ''I know that was really hard to see Zach go....Now let's get back to business!'' To-ga, to-ga, to-ga!

0:04 Three minutes down, only 57 more to go!

0:06 I was mistaken. I thought back at minute 1 that Adrianna's lovely breasts had taken the week off, but — hello, old friends! — there they are again. I see now that they were merely obscured five minutes ago by her (larger than usual) hand mike. This week, however, they are less gleaming, plump, and bulbous than I remember from last week. What happened? I'm disappointed. At this point in the competition, she really needed to wow us, and — wait a minute, are those nipple bumps? Or are they garment seams? Nipple bumps or garment seams? All I know is, if last week's breasts combined with this week's breasts, the FCC would shut this show down.

0:07 Oh, do we really have to talk about the movies? What's there to go over? It's inelegant of me to finally say it aloud, sure, but here's the thing: Even when the shorts on this show are good, they're honestly not that good, right? Right? And no, I don't really think it's the directors' fault. Once again — and I'm serious — we should probably blame Hollywood. On the Lot was misguided from the start. Every week, even though nobody's watching, these movies have had to play to the widest possible network audience, so of course they're gonna be down-the-middle, cutesy, cheesy, and far removed from recognizable life. Even making bad Hollywood movies takes a lot of skill, and what we've done is spend a whole season watching newbies try to raise themselves up to an acceptable level of badness, which — don't get me wrong — is a prerequisite if they're going to go on from there and get good. (I wish we could've watched that show, the one where they get good, but I don't think that show is possible in this dumbed-down prime-time format.) Man, Spielberg is just lucky he learned what he was doing by directing television and not by directing on television.

0:07:30 And so while we're at it, I think it's safe to say, two weeks from the end, that this series has given us a hint as to why so many Hollywood films are bad. Perhaps the lesson is that it might not be the filmmakers who collectively suck — maybe the whole system of dumbing everything down for mass mastication is what's broken. But what do I know? I just wanna go watch the end of Cuckoo's Nest.

0:59 So let's get out of here. I hit my word count a while back anyway. Here's what you need to know about the shorts, all of which were about a man waking up wearing a dress:

· Poor, tall Sam tried a Saw parody, and I feel bad for the guy that he's going home next week.

· Adam's psychedelic dollhouse movie got the wildest raves of the season, so why the hell did it look like he was gonna burst into tears immediately before and again after he faced the judges?

· Jason made a not-great, mildly homophobic film about a man tortured by a high-school classmate (again, shades of Saw, zzzzz), and Garry (not alone among his fellow judges) overdid it with the praise, telling the kid he's created his own world on screen — ''It's got gentleness in it, it's got sweetness, there's some nostalgia in it, there's whimsy in it'' — like all of a sudden Jason turned into Wes Anderson. Please.

· At the moment, I can't remember who the fourth contestant was...oh, Will. How could I forget? Unless he makes a porno, this guy's gonna win, thanks to his kids and the guilt vote.

Late-breaking! One of my editors, Kristen B., has e-mailed me this evening to make sure that I point out that Adam's psychedelic dollhouse movie was ripped off from a '60s episode of The Twilight Zone! Which, if true, means only one thing: Despite my wailings to the contrary, someone else at EW is actually watching On the Lot too. So disregard everything I said here tonight.

What do you think? Is Cuckoo's Nest Nicholson's best work? How do people feel about The Last Detail? Or Five Easy Pieces? Do you think that minute-long shot in Cuckoo's Nest where we just watch Nicholson's face after Billy goes in to lose his virginity inspired the similar minute-long shot of Mark Wahlberg's face during the Alfred Molina firecrackers scene in Boogie Nights? And coincidentally, I just wrote about this in an ew.com gallery, but don't you think the ending of Cuckoo's Nest is one of the best of all time?