Win, Place, or Showmance?

It should be stated now and often that I'm a gigantic fan of Janelle-o-Vision. I, like Daniele and Dick, was positively giddy over the arrival of the platinum powerhouse from Big Brother 6, and I take great pride in admitting that she and Dr. Will are the only two players in BB history whose last names I care to remember (and should I ever forget, I can visit her Wikipedia page, which has already been updated with her Sept. 4 visit to the house!). Ah, Janelle — makes me long for the days when I actually loved somebody in the house. Oh sure, Jessica wasn't so bad, and I've believed for weeks that Zach will coast to the end, but no one holds a candle to those crazy kids from BB6.

I'm sure you are asking by now: How can I deny the incredible prowess of Daniele, the newest blond bombshell? Eh...unlike that whiny little imp, Janelle was delightfully self-aware, full of jocularity, and unwilling to take herself too seriously. She had a mouth — oh, boy, did that broad have a mouth whenever it came time to dress down the Nerd Herd — but as quick as she was to spew the acid, she would always remember to enjoy the fun and frivolity that is — and always has been — the Big Brother cheesefest. That's all it was to her, you know, fun and frivolity. I talked to Janelle on Wednesday (look for her Q&A tomorrow because CBS won't give us the evictees until after the finale) and was rather surprised to learn that she doesn't seem to yearn for a life in front of the camera. Though she continues to do BB appearances, her long-term goal is to open a doggie daycare business (yes, really) in Minnesota, not nab a costarring role in some forgettable network pilot. Bully for her, really, though I'd certainly love to see her replace Julie and her glitter from time to time.

Ah, but I digress. Eric deserves our attention, not Janelle — though I howled when she told me yesterday that America's Player looks even smaller in person). He's gotta be feeling about two feet tall now. God what a colossal flameout he turned out to be. Started so strong, too, and had our sympathy, to boot: Here was an avid BB fan who was jonesing for the chance to compete, but then he finds himself in a seemingly untenable position as America's Player. I'm sure it sounded swell on paper, which is why he so eagerly signed up: Earn bonus bucks along the way while clawing for the $500K! But it proved too overwhelming for the nipple-ringed tyke, whose obvious wit and intelligence were no match for the nicotine-stained Dick and his 90-pound offspring ($40K though — not a bad parting gift for America's midget!).

NEXT: A deadly blue ball