As for Alton and Irulan: I went through a bunch of my old RW TV Watches to refresh my memory of the first Vegas season, and I was reminded just how much time was wasted on their endless flirtations and arguments. It looks like it took three years for them to get as bored with their togetherness as I did in one season, because they finally broke up. Alton is now running his own ''businesses,'' which were mysteriously never identified. He's just running businesses — that's all you need to know. He has a briefcase and a laser pointer, and stop asking questions. Irulan, on the other hand, lives out in Queens with a boyfriend and takes pictures of things. And judging from her jittery, far-too-smiley entrance, she may be about one shutter click away from a complete nervous breakdown.
And Arissa. Ahhh, Arissa. In the earlier reunion casting special, she said she'd made some bad decisions after The Real World. And yet she was now living in an apartment on the beach and spending her time painting and cooking. I'm only sure of one bad decision that results in that outcome, and it involves being one of six wives and being hemmed into your paradise by an electric fence. She certainly acted like a prisoner when she arrived back at the suite; she was all nervous looks and awkward smiles. I wondered whether she was trying to blink, ''PLEASE HELP ME MY SULTAN HUSBAND WILL KILL MY FAMILY IF I MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH ANY OF THE BUSBOYS,'' in Morse code.
Clearly, the producers had her marked for drama. For the first two-thirds of the show, everyone alluded to a mysterious split between her and Irulan and Alton, but it was the Scandal That Shall Not Be Named. Finally it came out: Four years ago she was so tight with the couple that they called themselves ''the Trinity.'' (And don't doubt that Jesus, God, and the Holy Ghost's lawyers are preparing a lawsuit right now over that one.) But at one point, either Alton followed Arissa into a bathroom and made a move or vice versa, and no one has talked to Arissa since. But that's the kind of problem that can only be resolved when there are cameras around, and now, four years later, they finally had their chance.
Alton maintained it was Arissa who came on to him. If you remember, in 2002 he swore to Irulan on his murdered brother that he didn't have a threesome while on vacation, even though that very threesome was caught on tape. Alton has a tiny truth-telling problem like Tom Sizemore has a wee self-control issue. You would think that with all she'd been through with Alton, Irulan might have considered that he was lying, but instead she defended him in a screaming match with Arissa in the middle of the bar. I could swear I saw a bartender nostalgically saying, ''Just like the good old days...'' and then sentimentally jabbing at his own eardrums with an ice pick to make it stop.
The fight resumed in the suite, with Alton and Arissa screaming at each other. ''Bone out, negro!'' shouted Arissa. As I sat there confused as to what exactly that meant, I remembered five years ago how equally nonplussed I was when she yelled at someone that she was going to ''put you on shout.'' She and I have both aged five years, and I'm still no more clued in to her slang.
And yet with all of this going on, it was Trishelle and Brynn who were home and in bed first. So they're the only ones who have matured along with me? I don't known what that means, but I think it's definitely time for me to bone out.
What do you think? Do you believe Alton or Arissa? Do you think any of the housemates will grow through this experience? And are you going to keep watching?
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