''In the end, Brooke was eliminated because she was being slut-acious.''
MO'NIQUE, EXPLAINING HER JUDGING CRITERIA, ON FLAVOR OF LOVE GIRLS: CHARM SCHOOL
''Bush is a lame duck. You're just kind of lame.''
JUDGE ELON GOLD, TO A BAD EXCUSE FOR A GEORGE W. BUSH IMPERSONATOR, ON THE NEXT BEST THING
''Earlier tonight, after serving eight years in jail, assisted-suicide doctor Jack Kevorkian was on Larry King Live. When Kevorkian saw Larry King, he said, 'I swear, he was like that when I got here.'''
CONAN O'BRIEN, ON LATE SHOW
''I lit the match expecting to get the stink out of the air; I didn't light the match because I was standing in a tank of propane.''
ALTON, AFTER HIS FAILED ATTEMPT TO RECONCILE WITH HIS HOUSEMATE ARISSA, ON REUNITED: THE REAL WORLD LAS VEGAS
''The situation ain't all bad. I haven't had a green vegetable in over a week.''
TONY (JAMES GANDOLFINI), DESCRIBING THE VIRTUES OF HIS NEW ''HIDING FROM RUTHLESS MOB ASSASSINS'' DIET, ON THE SOPRANOS
''I'm going home to my 100 brothers and sisters; tonight's the night we get our food-stamp allowance.''
SARAH (AMANDA SEYFRIED), AT A SUPPORT-GROUP MEETING FOR EX-MORMONS, ON BIG LOVE
''But the judge hasn't.''
JOY BEHAR, AFTER BARBARA WALTERS REVEALED THAT PARIS HILTON TOLD HER, ''GOD HAS RELEASED ME,'' ON THE VIEW