Knot for Publication

''I couldn't tell anybody about it,'' says Larry Horvath. ''Not even my wife.''

Horvath is the father of Dakota, a 13-year-old singer who performed a trio of Sinatra tunes at Y2K's grandest harmonic convergence of cheekbones, curves, and sheer blond ambition: the supernova July 29 wedding of Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston. (Pitt, a fan, had seen Dakota perform at a Beverly Hills club.) Dreading the pit-bull pursuit of the tabloids, Aniston-Pitt handlers mapped out the ceremony as if it were a CIA operation in Kazakhstan. Cameron Diaz, Edward Norton, and Aniston's fellow Friends had to wear pearl pins to get through a gauntlet of guards.

If you think the security measures sound obsessive, remember that a truly spectacular celebrity wedding — when two people of equal genetic and occupational exaltedness swap vows and smooch and suggest a future of gorgeous offspring — is a rare thing, even in a town crawling with comely couplings. (If you prefer Michael Douglas to Mr. Pitt, we can get you the number of a great shrink on the Upper West Side.) The affair was suitably lavish. Estimated to cost more than $1 million, it took place under a white tent on a bluff overlooking the Pacific Ocean at producer Marcy Carsey's Malibu estate. The bride wore a beaded, silk-and-satin gown by Lawrence Steele; the groom, a Hedi Slimane tuxedo. Over 50,000 flowers decorated the site — rambling roses, wisteria, lotus flowers. ''It was more of an Asian-Zen style, but also very romantic and elegant,'' says Kevin Lee, the owner of La Premier Flowers. There was even a fireworks ''sky concert'' by Pyro Spectaculars — a Fight Club allusion, perhaps?

Anyway, the security worked. The press barely got a peek, thereby turning the tent into ''a perfect target for maddened paparazzi,'' said gossip doyenne Liz Smith in a statement. ''And what's with the Pitts only providing one not-so-hot black and white photo?'' After six months of Brad and Jen's matrimonial bliss, news outlets still have to shell out at least $1,500 for that same muted chiaroscuro shot. Apparently not even a Friends salary can pay for that many lotus flowers.