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THE FIVE
I've made my feelings clear in this column and in the magazine about The Sopranos finale. I loved it and I'll try to stop talking about how much I loved it. But it does provide fodder for this week's Five: The Five Best (Pre-Sopranos) Series Finales.

1. Newhart
Unlike the Bobby Ewing it-was-all-a-dream shower scene on Dallas, having Bob Newhart wake up in bed with his previous sitcom spouse Suzanne Pleshette was pure comedic genius.

2. Cheers
It looked like it would be predictable as hell with Sam and Diane finally running off and getting married, but then Sam turned around and headed back home, taking time out to honor the departed Coach before turning off the lights. Just plain swell.

3. The Fugitive
Not only did Dr. Richard Kimble finally confront the One-Armed Man, but their fateful duel took place in an abandoned amusement park, setting the stage for countless knock-off scenes for years to come.

4. M*A*S*H
I was kinda young when this happened and couldn't figure it all out, but I knew it was poignant, especially when B.J. laid out that farewell message in stones to Hawkeye.

5. The Mary Tyler Moore Show
Sappy? Sure. But sometimes you just have to put your inner cynic on lockdown — this is especially difficult for yours truly — and simply reach for the Kleenex.

READER MAIL
Apparently, folks at the Sci Fi Channel were none too thrilled with my implication last week that the network, not the executive producers, were the ones truly responsible for ending Battlestar Galactica after one more season, but the fact remains that if the space drama had better ratings, they would have found a way to keep it on the air. Of course, the ''cancellation'' (or whatever you want to call it) of the show continues to raise questions. When should solid shows call it quits? How accurate is the ratings system? Questions you all raised in this week's Reader Mail, along with thoughts on my list of the Top Five New Jersey Celebrities and excitement over the return of Paradise Hotel.

I'm one of those people that didn't start watching Battlestar Galactica until this past fall; my nerdy husband and I caught up on the miniseries and seasons 1 and 2 before we could even begin watching season 3 (we in fact had to catch a December marathon of the first half of the season). Normally, we would have Netflixed the DVDs, but we actually had to borrow them, because the wait on Netflix was so incredibly long. Other people that I know who also watch Battlestar Galactica are the [kind of] people most likely to use ''alternative'' methods in order to watch the show, and to actually buy the DVDs. It seems like people are watching the show that just aren't being reflected in the numbers. — Bridget

You're right, Bridget. The ratings system does not truly reflect how many people are actually watching Battlestar. Many are catching up with (or waiting for) the DVDs, watching on their computer, or viewing it much later on a DVR. Executive producers of other geeked-out shows like Lost and Heroes have similar complaints. However, until the system can be tweaked somehow to truly reflect a total audience, then advertisers are going to continue to be wary of spending their money on what they view as a niche show. If Battlestar was a cheap show to produce, maybe this would not be as big of a problem, but like Farscape before it, the show is expensive, and the numbers most likely just aren't adding up.

I'm sure that one of the biggest reasons Battlestar is ending is due to lower-than-desirable ratings. I agree with you that the series draws in many viewers who wouldn't otherwise watch the Sci Fi channel. I'm one of them. That said, serial dramas rarely manage to stay good when they last more than three or four seasons. Many of the story arcs get stretched out and annoying and the characters become almost unrecognizable. Only a few serial dramas that I can think of managed to stay good all the way to the end. We can hope that this will be the case for BSG. Better the show end well than stay on the air for another three or four seasons and end poorly. — Kelly West

That's a solid point, Kelly. Most dramas do lose steam around season 3 or 4. But they can also rebound. Season 5 and the second half of season 6 of The Sopranos were among its strongest, and the last two seasons of The Shield have been nothing short of spectacular. The Wire has also proved to be a consistently excellent program, so with the talent on Battlestar, I would hope the show could have a few more seasons in it. Now it appears we'll never know.

While I have to admit being a bit disappointed that neither Queen Latifah nor Whitney Houston made your Jersey Five, you definitely nailed it with Joe Piscopo. I recently saw him sitting in his Hummer outside a hotel in Times Square...and the license plate? JRZBORN, of course. —Sean McMahill

Piscopo is obviously not the most famous person to come from Jersey, but he has to be the most Jersey famous person, if you get what I'm saying.

You dared to put Tara Reid on your Five over Kevin Smith? Let's consider: phenomenally gifted actor/director/writer/producer vs. drunken actress. In roles, he's got her beat: Silent Bob vs. Whiny Co-ed. Now, yes, she has her own E! True Hollywood Story, but he's got Sucks Less With Kevin Smith, where he actually taught a class on cinematography at UCLA! She was on The Tyra Banks Show, but he was on the much classier The Daily Show! Plus he was on an episode of Space Ghost Coast to Coast! You can't beat that! Watch your mail for the shipment of nuts I'm sending. —Cindy Lee Romback

Okay, Kevin Smith was an oversight on my part. The dude bleeds Jersey swamp water. On second thought, that kind of makes him sound like a zombie or something, so scratch that. The point is, he probably should have been on there. All you Smith fans will be happy to know that I watched the pilot episode of Reaper that he directed for the CW and it is awesome. Jersey pride, baby!

Oh, Paradise Hotel. I loved that show. My friend and I were all set to go as Charla and one of the other girls for Halloween, but then I chickened out of cutting my bangs to achieve the patented Charla up-do. I will totally watch another round of this show, though I really hope they ditch the blatant manipulation and constant rule-changing, so clearly designed to keep certain characters (DAVE) on. —Joslyn Hansen

Joslyn, I hereby decree that the Glutton now be designated the Unofficial Paradise Hotel Party Zone! Any and all Paradise Hotel musings and tributes are welcome, free from judgments and mockery. United we stand in our love of manipulated reality television — united for-evvvvvvvvvvaaaaaaaa!!!

Have your own DVDs that have been sitting around unwatched while you subject yourself to mindless television? Have a camp horror story to share? And what's your favorite TV series finale? Send your questions, comments, and quibbles to theglutton@ew.com, or just fill out the handy-dandy form below. I'll be away next week and back on July 11 with more musings. See ya then!