EPISODE 1
Ever since I heard the news that Bravo was planning a new reality series following the day-to-day life of erstwhile pop star and loopy American Idol judge Paula Abdul, I've been tingling with curiosity. What template would Hey Paula follow? Would it be something like UPN's wretched Britney and Kevin: Chaotic, in which the titular pop star created a self-portrait of blithe obliviousness, pointing the camera at herself and spouting inane platitudes (''They look just like boobs. But they're not. They're my knees!'') like some Deepak Chopra for the lobotomy set? Or would Paula more closely resemble the Whitney Houston of Being Bobby Brown, a frenzied fruitcake who either refused, or was chemically unable, to curtail her wayward impulses, waxing passionate about her colonic woes and bursting into spontaneous fits of dancing and shouting?
It turns out, neither of the above. Instead, it appears as though Hey Paula owes more to Lisa Kudrow's brilliant but short-lived HBO sitcom The Comeback, in which a vain, washed-up sitcom star named Valerie Cherish endured humiliation on top of humiliation — just as long as the cameras stayed pointed in her direction.
Much like the fictitious universe that Kudrow and cohort Michael Patrick King concocted, the on-screen world of Paula Abdul is at times bizarre and often hilarious, but always has a throbbing undercurrent of sadness and discontent. Beneath the façade of ditzy optimism the heroines of both series project lie women who, although aware they've passed their career expiration dates, still feel they still have something to offer the world — and, at least to some degree, are probably right.
Take Paula's experience as a producer of the big-screen production of Bratz, and her decision to design and produce the clothing, jewelry, and accessories for the film at her own expense. That moment when she reveals to her support staff that the film's production team has ''stopped returning calls,'' you get the sense that it's just one in a series of career indignities that Paula has faced over the past two decades.
And then there's the indignity of being stuck with the 1 a.m. time slot for a live QVC broadcast. Are there really so many huge stars on the home-shopping channel that Paula should be relegated to insomniac territory on the east coast?
Self-absorbed as she comes off throughout the show's initial half-hour, though, Paula at least scores points for being able to laugh at herself. How many platinum-selling singers could flash back on one of her own Grammy performances and pinpoint an unflattering bustier as the beginning of the end of her career? True, Paula's attempts at self-deprecating punch lines — ''the last time I had a hit record, Bill and Hillary were having sex!'' — all feel too scripted by half, but you've got to give her points for going there in the first place.
Similarly, how many celebrities would allow themselves to be caught on camera admitting they actually care what kind of grades they'll receive from TV Guide Channel's skeletal harpy Joan Rivers? In an age where half of being cool is showing the world you're not trying, Paula comes off like the chess-team dork who daydreams a little too fervently about that homecoming queen title she's never going to win. (Lucky for Paula, her ''what doctor is your face wearing?'' remark is airing in an era where Rivers is no longer employed as a red-carpet hostess.)
But there's still a pecking order even at the bottom rungs of the popularity, as we see during Paula's icy-eyed reprimand of incompetent assistants Kylie and Courteney (more about Paula's horrible handlers later). Sure, if you're paying someone to pack your suitcase for a red-eye trip to the QVC studios in Philadelphia, you're probably expecting you won't have to endure the flight in skin-tight jeans and high-heels, but Paula's hissing ''it's not okay'' and ''shove it down your throat'' remarks underscore why, unlike fellow Bravo reality star Kathy Griffin, you don't get the sense that Paula's employees consider her as a true friend — or vice versa. — Michael Slezak
NEXT PAGE: Episode 2 -- ''Tired...I'm so tired''
