10. ''Cry,'' Waterfront
This tune goes on that short list of songs I forgot existed. Although, listening back now, I realize it's entirely possible I always assumed it was a George Michael song. Vocalist Chris Duffy has that same forward pitch to his voice, that same tendency to breathily whisper the ends of words (''Crah... please don't crah''), and, after watching the video, it appears he also shares the same penchant for leather jackets. If he's trying to rip off Faith-era George here, something went wrong with the production: They wound up with a vaguely Caribbean jive that sounds more like Billy Ocean or Lionel Richie, but, you know, without all the authenticity. Actually, for some reason, a lot of the (non-tropical) instrumentation — especially that gloopy bass — reminds me of Paul Young and ''Every Time You Go Away.'' Which — hold the phone — a quick YouTube search tells me was performed, at least once, as a duet with... George Michael! Oh, Waterfront. Your transparency alarms me. Anyway. This is not an unpleasant song — sometimes if you mix a bunch of stuff that worked for other people together in a blender, it comes out as a tasty one-hit smoothie — so long as I don't spend too much time pondering lyrics like ''I know that you are not a child,'' followed very closely by lyrics like ''I know you're just 16/ But looking all of 21 (21/ You'll be married/ With a gun)''. Hmmm. Yeah, I'm not even going there. B
9. ''Miss You Like Crazy,'' Natalie Cole
Listen: Can you hear it? The tinkling, tinny keyboard that indicates a late-'80s ballad sung by a woman? Hello, Natalie! I think my favorite thing about this song is how she really doesn't bother much with verses, and just barrels right into the escalating chorus, because she really, really does miss us. Lots. Misses us enough to sing in a range that sounds like it hurts. Not to go all Simon Cowell, but... it reminds me of bad karaoke. (And don't get me started on the video, featuring my biggest pet peeve in all the world: actors hired to ''play'' instruments they have clearly not been shown how to hold properly.) Basically, the whole concept here is that every time she sings ''I miss you like crazy,'' it jumps up a key, so by the end, she's pretty much wailing. And say what you will about Natalie's voice, but I think we can all admit that after the drug problems her higher register didn't have a lot of subtlety. So what's interesting to me, of course, is the way whoever produced this dreck at least had the sense to gradually turn her vocal down while simultaneously turning the faux-chestra way up, until her hollering appears to be coming at us from the end of a long, long hallway. That was considerate. C+
Next: Hits by Bobby Brown and Donna Summer
