OBSESSION OF THE WEEK
I went and saw The Simpsons Movie the other week. It was damn funny. But there was something even more hilarious before the film even began: a preview for Daddy Day Camp. Let me clarify: the preview itself was ridiculous. The plot, as far as I can tell, is that the characters from Daddy Day Care — Charlie Hinton and Phil Ryerson — have decided to take over a summer camp for kids. The result looks like Meatballs V. What's so funny about it is that the actors playing Charlie and Phil have changed. Gone is Eddie Murphy, which is surprising considering he had no qualms appearing in crap like Norbit, The Adventures of Pluto Nash, and...well, Daddy Day Care. In his place is Academy Award winner (how did that happen, exactly?) Cuba Gooding Jr. — who also never met a bad movie he didn't like (witness Snow Dogs, Boat Trip, and Chill Factor). But what's most shocking is that fact that not even sidekick Jeff Garlin is around! Look, I love Jeff Garlin. The dude is money on Curb Your Enthusiasm. But he is not exactly what you would call Hollywood A-list. The fact that he seemingly turned down an opportunity to star in a sequel to a film that grossed over $100 million domestically shows just what a turkey this thing is. So instead of Garlin we get a Garlin look-alike by the name of Paul Rae. Paul Rae! So if you want to see a movie with Cuba Gooding Jr. playing Eddie Murphy, someone named Paul Rae playing Jeff Garlin, and lots of cliché camp-run-amok gags, then Daddy Day Camp is the movie for you!
READER MAIL
Ah, the force was once again strong with Glutton readers as folks wrote in with thoughts regarding my son's Star Wars-themed party. There were also several guesses as to my mysterious Hollywood crushes that go by the initials MB, HB, and JC. Would anyone get all three correct? Read on to find out...
All I could think while reading about the party was, bloody awesome! I hope when I have kids I can instill my Star Wars obsession into them while at the same time making sure they don't take my figures out of their protective boxes. My future husband is a Trekkie though so I have a feeling we might be fighting for our kids' allegiances. Think you could send some of those kids over to play Star Wars Trivial Pursuit with me? I bought the nice DVD edition when it first came out but everyone refuses to play with me...even after I told them they could all team up against me. — Laura Levinson
You know, I also own Star Wars Trivial Pursuit and I have to concur that it was one of the stupidest purchases I've ever made, simply for the fact that no one will play with me either. I suppose after a few more screenings, Dale will be ready, although I am somewhat hesitant to let him handle any of my Star Wars merchandise. He held my original 1977 Luke Skywalker figure for less than 30 seconds before breaking the lightsaber, which granted, was never the sturdiest of contraptions to begin with, but still...
Really cool birthday party for your son! But I'm wondering...what are you going to do when your daughter wants the same kind of party, but with a Cinderella theme? —Valerie Clavelle
It's worse than that, Valerie. Violet wants a Barbie party for her fifth birthday in December. I would say that my wife has to handle that one, but she is just as disturbed by the Barbie fascination as I am. I guess I could put on some green slacks and a pink Polo shirt and say I'm Ken or something. That's actually probably less embarrassing than dressing up as a Sith Lord, now that I think about it.
Mr. Dalton Ross, can you be my daddy? After reading about your Star Wars party, I got the sniffles from laughing so hard! Mind the drip! That was carbon-freezing cool! Just a q, did the missus dress up like Princess Leia with the dopey side coils? 'Cause that would've been ice! —Lana Chan
We all have our regrets and mine was not figuring out the Princess Leia hairdo for the wife. She actually brought it up herself an hour or so before the party started, but by that time I was in last minute freak-out mode over getting everything else ready so we bagged it. Of course, had she worn the buns it could have turned a bit disturbing had one of the partygoers asked her to don the Slave Girl costume, so maybe it was for the best.
Jen from Big Brother is growing on me! She is a classic (something or another). So for your crushes...Mischa Barton, Halle Berry, and JULIE CHEN! —Ron Wagner
You got the Halle Berry part right. You know, tons of people wrote in guessing Mischa Barton and all can I say is... ewwwww. And I don't even know what to make of the Julie Chen thing.
Sounds like a great birthday party. I'm sad to hear the Star Wars things were sent back to Dagobah. As for the ''mysterious MB, HB, and JC''...Morena Baccarin, Halle Berry and Jennifer Connelly? —Melissa Cuppett
Congratulations, Melissa. You got the second two right. I see where you were going with the Morena Baccarin thing, figuring her sci-fi street cred (Firefly, Stargate) might put her in the top three, but no such luck.
Maria Bello, Halle Berry and Jennifer Connelly? —Bruce Cartier
Maria Bello does get very naked and take part in many explicit sex scenes in A History Of Violence...but it's not her.
I've never missed a Glutton article, and I've got to tell you, I've never enjoyed it more than when I read about your son's Star Wars birthday party. I'm going to guess Monica Bellucci, Halle Berry, and Jennifer Connelly. —Philip Cotrell
And you would be guessing correctly, sir! The only one to get all three right. So wasting all that time reading Glutton articles was good for something after all. You now know way more about me than anyone should care to know. In any event, congratulations, Philip. Well played.
Have any thoughts about the new breed of TV heroine? Feel another cowbell-heavy track should have made the Five? And who has the guts to actually go and see Daddy Day Camp? Send your questions, comments, and quibbles to theglutton@ew.com, or just fill out the handy-dandy form below. See ya next week!
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