TV Recap

Dad Man Walking

On ''Big Brother,'' after he and daughter Daniele are put on the chopping block, Dick talks about sacrificing himself to save her

Big Brother | CANNON FATHER Dick says he's going to try to attract attacks
Image credit: Cliff Lipson
CANNON FATHER Dick says he's going to try to attract attacks

''Big Brother'': A family reunion

Warning: Contains spoilers for those of you not watching the live feeds!

At the risk of sounding like a colossal Big Brother apologist, I'm going to have to disagree with the assumption that the producers rigged the vote to make sure Kail was evicted. Even if they were asking leading questions in the diary room (which I'm convinced they do daily) and those questions led to Kail's ouster, look at it from an issue of fairness: Eric and Amber got totally screwed by that banner, which in turn sent the house into a tailspin. Within minutes, Eric became public enemy No. 1 — practically usurping Dick — and not because of anything he did. Up until that point, Eric was the harmless little dolt who did goofy dance moves with Jessica and tried to start up new sayings in the house like ''I'd do that for a dollar.'' No one had any reason to distrust him, even if those past two eviction ceremonies were pretty damn hinky. Why shouldn't BB play doubting Thomas in the DR by asking questions like ''Are you sure Eric is as bad as he looks?'' or ''How do you know that banner wasn't paid for by one of Jen's buddies?'' Obviously, our judgment is tainted because we know Eric is as bad as he looks: The dude's playing his own private game with America, and he's raking in the dough! But his fellow houseguests don't know that, and it's unfair that his reputation is muddied by something beyond his control.

We also need to ask ourselves whether this house is really worse off now that Kail is out. Girlfriend had a big fat bull's-eye on her back since week 2, and she brought nothing to the game other than a little homophobia and a whole lot of naïveté. I'm not sorry to see her go, if only because the drama has increased threefold now that Daniele and Dick didn't get their way and are on the chopping block.

Spoiler alert! Thanks to our devoted team of live-feed watchers, we already know by now that Dick won the power of veto and will probably use it to save Daniele in some pathetic attempt to win her love. In the grand scheme of life, he's probably smart to do so: facilitating her eviction wouldn't be the smartest move if he ever wants her to come over for a Sunday bong hit — er, I mean dinner. Besides, I'm dying for Josh Wolk to hammer him in our weekly post-eviction Q&A. Still, I get frustrated whenever someone talks about wanting to voluntarily leave this game; Dick is already promising to behave like the biggest ass alive so he'll get the eviction he wants. Don't be more of a loser than you already are, Dick. You're here; why not fight to win? Even Jessica admitted in the DR last night that her bigger target is Daniele. Besides, I'm starting to think that on some perverted level Amber and Jameka actually like having Dick around, or else they wouldn't go out of their way to confront him as they did last night in the kitchen. Who tries so hard to stay close to someone they're supposed to detest? I didn't get the purpose of that confrontation at all, unless Amber and Jameka, like many BB fans, see Dick as the player they love to hate.

Nevertheless, I hear your concerns that the drama will decrease exponentially once the aptly named Dick is gone; a house without someone shouting expletives or talking about sticking his private parts in someone's mouth just isn't the Big Brother we've grown to love, right?

Wrong!

First off, it already seems BB has a replacement Dick in the making: His name is Eric, and his loutish behavior is already setting the house on edge. More than a few of you have caught him making offensive jokes about an incestuous relationship between Dick and Dani, as well as continuing to talk behind Amber's back about her faux abortions. And then there was an incident on Saturday, according to this message titled ''Eric's threat toward ED and Dan: ''If you were watching Showtime Thursday night, you would have seen Eric state that he was going to deliver the bodies of ED and Daniele to their family and personally bury them. He was speaking to others about this, of course, since he lacks you know what. But the tirade and threat was stated, and how is that not against BB rules? I have it taped. It was very graphic, very hostile. It wasn't just game speak. A threat.''

Then again, we have also discovered vile things about Amber the anti-semite, and I hardly think Jameka is a poster child for Christians everywhere. (Still, I could do without the organ playing whenever these women pray. We get it, producers; you think they're ignorant and small-minded. Move on.) I'm sure I could find something equally offensive about the rest of these knuckleheads, but really, why curse the very reason this show is so craptastic? If this house were chock-full of guys like Mike (from this year) and gals like Lisa (from BB3), it would be as stimulating as scrubbing my toilet. That's why I'm not entirely convinced this season will suck when Dick is gone for good. We still don't know what will happen on Thursday: Will Jessica actually put Dustin up as a pawn, and will Daniele manage to get someone other than Jen and Zach to vote to evict him and not Dick? Probably not. Dick's burned too many damn bridges, and it seems terribly unlikely that Jen will be able to persuade Amber or Jameka to turn on Dustin.

Still, I can envision any number of scenarios that will keep things delicious for weeks: Daniele and the new Dickheads (Jen and Zach) can try to convince Dustin, Amber, Jessica, and Jameka that the banner didn't lie and Eric should go. Or the Dickheads can make hay of the LNC's growing suspicions toward Eric and bring him over to their side. Or Dick — gulp — will actually save himself. See? There are any number of possibilities for good clean fun!

One final word: Several posters have suggested that the rules change next year to eliminate backdooring: ''You can only replace a person on the block with someone who participated in the veto competition,'' wrote a poster named Debatex. ''That way anyone on the block will have had a fair chance to protect himself.'' I like this idea because it prevents the HGs from throwing the POV. Let's not get ahead of ourselves, though; we'll have more time for Monday-morning quarterbacking about the rules when this season's over.

So what do you think? Is Dick giving up too easily? Will Dustin go up as pawn? And can one of the LNC members be persuaded to evict him?

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Originally posted Aug 13, 2007
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