''Big Brother'': Dick and Daniele vs. Zach
Being the impatient drip that I am, I had a buddy at CBS e-mail me the results of last night's head of household competition two hours before it aired on the West Coast. Can't remember the last time I screamed that hard while reading my Blackberry. My editor Henry Goldblatt said it best: It feels like we wasted a whole summer just to get a finale like this. Yet another disappointing and dreadful person will win the $500K, much like Mike Boogie and Maggie and Lisa before her.
I say ''her'' because this is obviously Daniele's game to lose. It's futile arguing the relative merits of Dick and Daniele, just like it's pointless to debate whether getting run over by a train is a better way to die than being burned at the stake. Sucks either way, man. I will say this: I'm glad I snapped out of the 40-minute funk I went into shortly after hearing the news to actually take the time to watch the episode. Beyond scoffing at the completely lame way that bunny petered out in, like, the third hour, I was kinda moved by how the challenge brought out the humility in everyone so much that I felt a wee bit of sympathy for Dick and the way he looked so worn out and washed up while talking to Daniele. I thought it was cool of Zach to keep his mouth shut once he learned that he had outlasted them both, and even cooler when he went over to Dick and patted him on the back. There's no way that old man could have won the challenge, though it's pretty impressive than he and his lungs, which must be working at barely 20 percent capacity, managed to last that long. Too bad Dick didn't return the favor after the third challenge; that crusty dude just leapt and screamed over his own victory and only shook Zach's hand after the big lug extended his own. It doesn't really matter; I never once thought the Donatos had much class, so I can hardly expect them to display it now. Besides, we already knew Zach was a major tool when it comes to quizzes. But did he have to lose so badly? It's not like Dick was light-years better.
Truth be told, this is the final two that the jury deserves. Those knuckleheads had their chance to boot the most hated alliance in BB history, and yet they repeatedly passed up the opportunity to wipe them out. Is it really necessary to remind anyone that Rule #1 of BB and Survivor is to break up strong alliances and quickly? Yet the women allowed Dick's relentless abuse to intimidate them, while Eric and Zach passed up key POV opportunities to backdoor Dick and Daniele. I don't even think I'll get any satisfaction from hearing Dustin and Amber try to dress down the Donatos in the finale because they're just as much to blame for getting them there in the first place. In fact, I'd like to make a wager, right here and now: I betcha Jen, of all people, will have the nicest things to say about the Donatos. I think she'll actually commend them on their game play after, of course, complimenting her own.
NEXT: Did Dick cheat?