The Powerlessness of Positive Thinking

Based on the notes I scrawled during the episode, I'd have to tab Lisa (''ferocious!'') as the front-runner, but I also had immediate positive responses to Janet (''hot!''), Chantal (''nice!''), Ambreal (''fierceness'' — and no small accomplishment with a tracheotomy tube), Heather (''ethereal''), and Saleisha (''pretty''). Then again, until Tyra & Co. dole out the makeovers, it's probably not wise for any of us to lay our money down. (There will be makeovers next week, right? 'Cause Bianca needs new hair, Victoria needs new eyebrows, and Kimberly needs, well, something that'll stop me from asking myself, ''Who the heck is that?'' every time she's on screen.) What's more, I'm also worried Tyra's going to exact a heavy price for the spot-on imitation that Saleisha, Bianca, and Lisa did of an elimination ceremony, right down to the last, ludicrous pauses.

Then again, I need to remind myself that Tyra can't hire Benny Ninja as a fashion mentor and then turn around and take herself (or her show) too seriously. I mean, I can almost see it now: Somewhere in a West Hollywood laundromat, there's a sign asking effeminate men between the ages of 18 and 34 to drop by the next Top Model taping for a random guest appearance. (Hi, Aswirl Twins!) Because, hey, if you can't get a model wannabe to cry on camera, the next best thing is to have a crazy dude pop up from behind an Old Navy mannequin and shout pap like ''Basic's too basic!'' Ahhh, Top Model, it's so good to have you back where you belong.

Given all the hype from last week's previews, were you let down by the juvenile face-off between Bianca and Lisa? Were you as infuriated as me by the mean girls who are acting as if Heather's Asperger's syndrome were akin to the bubonic plague? If you were forced to hire Benny Ninja or Miss Jay as your personal shopper, which hot mess would you choose? And did you love the bereaved look on Jenah's face when Tyra declared this a ''no-smoking cycle''?

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