''Viva la revolución!'' indeed.
Randi, dear Randi, sweet, rational Randi: As the lone female vote for Zach, you showed the strength and courage the rest of the girls in your district did not. You chose change — not for change's sake, but for Bonanza City's sake. You proved that every voice should be heard, and every vote counts. All of which is to say, Whooooo!
We're friends, right? Good, I need to share: I was ashamed of myself for glorying so completely in the defeat of a prepubescent girl. I was embarrassed at how excited I was that Pageant Princess Taylor got her walking papers shoved in her face. I almost started to think less of me. (No, f'real...almost.) But then I found a rationalization that had the dual benefit of being logical and making me seem less ghoulish: I wasn't happy because PPT has to sit in the cheap seats from here on out. No, I was glad for two reasons: (1) The system works. (2) We're seeing the rise of a thoughtful, charismatic, ethical, and, frankly, cool little dude.
I know there's a huge Jared fan club, and if this were about picking the next great cult TV show writer (he's got it in him, he does!), then I'd be a Jared junkie too. Respect. But there was always something about Zach that spoke to me. From day one he's proven himself to be a conscientious citizen, a fearless thinker, and an orator of promise. As someone who majored in government in college, and comes from a family that truly esteems political service, I put a premium on those qualities. Nice to know that a majority (even the slimmest possible majority) of the Yellow District pioneers did too. Yep, even PPT. Anybody else think she looked almost relieved when she lost? Anybody else pleasantly surprised at how gracious she was in defeat? Taylor, this may have been your finest hour in the city. Well played, little dictator.
Since we're passing out pats on the back, let's all give Greg an ''atta dude'' for rising to the occasion and finally getting his $20K worth of recognition. The guy's a worker; he puts that brute strength to use when it counts; and last night he was actually emotionally generous, for a change. When the politicking got out of hand, and a little girl's campaign poster was pogo-sticked into the dirt, Greg was there to play big brother. Now don't hate, but it didn't hurt that Greg's PR makeover hit at precisely the moment that nearly everyone else in town was at their worst. Oh, you know it's true. Consider:
The food fight: Apparently, this is why they so desperately needed that microwave cocoa — so they could pour it all over each other. Lovely use of limited resources, kids. Way to conserve. (Come on, don't look at me like that. Today it's cocoa, tomorrow petroleum.)
The reward: [Insert exasperated, expletive-laced interjection here.] Look, we get it: You kids think you're doing what adults would do in your situation, picking the ''right'' thing over the ''fun'' thing. Fact is, if adults always chose ''right'' over ''fun,'' there'd be no need for Zovirax, In-n-Out Burger, Guinness, or pay-per-view. If you don't treat yourselves every once in a while to more than just a happy-hour root beer, you'll turn into people we don't wanna party with. Besides, what the hell do you care if Host Wassisname thinks your breath smells? Tell him to stick it.
NEXT: Dirty politricks
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