TV Article

Right Said Fred

An all-purpose speech for Fred Thompson -- We wrote a speech consisting of quotes from the presidential candidate's acting career

Ronald Reagan loved using famous movie lines in his speeches, like a Back to the Future shout-out in 1986's State of the Union. And that got us thinking about this year's presidential candidate with the most acting experience (no, Rudy Giuliani's drag performances don't count). So, Fred Thompson, we cobbled together this all-purpose stump speech from your Hollywood career. You're welcome. — LaRue Cook and Kate Ward

''We're trailing 12 points in the latest polls.(1) So the only way for this thing to work is for you to get them off the boat.(2) Stack 'em, pack 'em, and rack 'em!(3) I'd like to ask you a few questions.(4) Is it the economy of the state that worries you...or is it your own?(5) You think the French want to knock off the president?(6) Saw him on Larry King. Pompous son of a gun said he's prepared to rid the world of all that ails it.(7) Anybody else know about this?(8) You think he's crazy?(9) In other words, lettuce is a perishable item.(10) Good luck. God bless.(11)''

1, 6 In the Line of Fire; 2, 9 The Hunt for Red October; 3, 11 Die Hard 2; 4 Baby's Day Out; 5 Born Yesterday; 7 Law & Order; 8 Cape Fear; 10 Days of Thunder

Originally posted Nov 09, 2007 Published in issue #964 Nov 16, 2007 Order article reprints