''The Hills'': Fight Club

Image credit: Jeff Lipsky

JUSTIN CASE Audrina is finally cured of her attachment to her toxic boyfriend

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The producers must have realized that The Hills has been slumping recently. For the past few weeks, we've been subjected to publicity-serving Teen Vogue events, Speidi's wedding blues, and the tired Lauren-sex-tape story. On a lucky day, we get a quasi-famous band thrown into the mix. Sigh. Even the promise of a Heidi-Lauren showdown couldn't lift the show's floundering spirit.

Enter Stephanie, a.k.a. She-Pratt.

The slump is over. She-Pratt is exactly what the show needed for added stimulation: feisty, angry, and with something to prove. Last night's episode served up a steaming heap of drama. Where has Stephanie been all this time? She is an instigator of action, the golden child for drama, the vinegar to Lauren's baking soda.

We began with Audrina delivering the town gossip to Lauren. Like a good roommate, she dutifully reported what Spencer's sister attacked her with the night before: ''My name's Stephanie Pratt, and I just want you to know that you're a bitch, and you and Lauren are done.'' Well said! Two points to She-Pratt for being so succinct. ''The only thing that's worse than Spencer,'' said Lauren, ''is a she-version of Spencer, because she's capable of all the same things. But at the end of the day, a guy can't hit a girl, but a girl can hit a girl.'' That wise observation earned her five points in my book. Call it the Jerry Springer syndrome: Girls can get away with nastier behavior than men because of their relative physical weakness, though, as hair-pulling proves, they're actually just as capable of causing harm. Oddly, Lauren's observation would in the end apply more to Audrina than to She-Pratt.

Unfazed, the girls wasted no time getting to Hollywood's Opera club. (Which, by the way, is the silliest name for a club that I've heard yet. Imagine the confusion this might cause between parents and their kids: ''Mom, can I go to Opera tonight?'' ''Wonderful idea! The Magic Flute?'' ''Yes, and five magic beers too!'' ) Anyway, staged or not, the confrontation between Lauren's table (Audrina, Justin Bobby, Brody, Frankie) and newcomers Stephanie and Roxy probably provided more high-pitched shrieking than an opera hall could handle. What's remarkable about She-Pratt is her unfailing loyalty to Team Speidi. Maybe it's because she's the only member of their fan club, but she was determined to start a fight. ''Heidi's my family now, they're getting married,'' shouted Stephanie, somewhat randomly. ''I love Heidi!'' chimed in Roxy, which was news, since I've never seen her on the show before.

And what is this, kindergarten? I haven't staked claims on people since I was in the sandlot, asking classmates if they would be my friends. She-Pratt, after seeing Brody, came up with a line that made me think she'd been watching Star Wars: ''What are you doing here? You're on the evil side.'' Lauren responded by saying, ''Don't fight other people's battles,'' once again offering wise words. (Homegirl was on a roll last night.) While this was all happening, I was distracted by the two very different shots of Team Speidi and Team Lauren. One group was brightly lit, the other hazy and grainy, and though I have no doubt that the confrontation actually happened, I don't understand why one whole group shot wasn't taken. It looked, well, a bit fake.

NEXT: Justin's magic pickup techniques