''Ugly Betty'': Golden Girl Power

In other faltering relationships (quite the theme last night, right?), Daniel and Alexis were at each other's throats as they fought over who'd ultimately take over Meade. It turned out that Bradford had left a video message designating a new boss, but in a classically Betty moment, the video cut out. And that was even after Betty herself came in and screwed up the camera. So how do dueling siblings settle who'll take over a billion-dollar company? With a paintball match, of course!

I really did enjoy those sequences. For once, the fights in the Mode offices were actually physical and not just bitchy queens and cats fighting over the newest designer's fashions. Plus, the battle led to a steamy encounter for Amanda and Nick. (''God, you're hot when you're mad,'' Nick said after she shot him, to which she replied, ''You're hot when you're dead.'') Will this pairing last? No, but neither of these two shallow souls is ready for anything more.

As for Daniel and Alexis, I'm perplexed as to why they can't just share control of the company. Honestly, that's probably what Bradford meant when he told them to grow up. And wouldn't splitting control of the empire just feed the possible drama coming down the pipeline?

On a final note, Mode was a scary place this week. Not just because of the paintball fight and the destruction that it caused but because Willy wasn't there. For the first time in the history of the series, we're faced with a Willy-and-Marc-free office. Granted, Amanda is still there, but she's nothing without follow-up zingers from Marc and piercing glances from Willy. But we probably won't have to wait long for the return of Willy, as she's planning to birth a new heir to the Meade fortune. (Is this jumping-the-shark territory, TV Watchers?) And truthfully, who didn't see this one coming after Willy paid off the doctor when Bradford died? After sex changes and possible incest, of course sperm stealing was next on the Betty agenda! I just can't believe she kept the, um, key ingredient to the pregnancy in a Thermos in the freezer. After seeing her elaborate system for keeping that computer-virus disc hidden inside a phone, we know she's got more style than that.

Last night's quips were as good as ever. Here are my favorite Betty bites, with the top two spots reserved for the genius that is Betty White:

8. Daniel, while fighting Alexis for Bradford's old chair: ''Why are you so strong? What, did they give you super-strength when they installed your vagina?''

7. Christina, after hearing that Betty was having a surprise date with Henry: ''Oh, the last surprise I got on a date was the wife knocking on the motel door.''

6. Christina, being her normal beefcake-obsessed self: ''I love James Marsden. I wanna bake him naked and eat him for dessert.''

5. Marc, assuring Willy he can change her public image: ''Come on! It's the media age. We can do it overnight! Britney Spears shaves something or shows something or shows something shaved, and it's around the world in seconds. Trust me, lady, I can make you Mother Teresa — with better boobs.''

4. Justin, after dressing Henry in a new outfit: ''See what I did here? I mixed a little bit of prep with a little bit of gangsta, and I found an edge where there was none.''

3. Kenny, rhyming just before the big paintball showdown: ''She's Alexis! Big as Texas! She knows what it's like to be both sexes!''

2. Betty White, soliciting help after being knocked to the ground by Willy: ''Yes, it's Betty White, jackass. I'm on the ground here. Call 911!''

1. Betty White, on her legions of dedicated fans: ''Well, I adore 'em. Except for the few sickos who write lesbian fan fiction about me and Bea Arthur.''

But TV Watchers, I wanna know what you think: What's your favorite sound bite from last night? How much did you love that Hilda's new beauty shop is called Hilda's Beautilites? What's going on with Christina's husband, Stuart? And, do you think Betty and Henry will really make it the next 17 weeks?

You Might Also Like

• Television News TV show's shot in NYC | Lindsay Soll
• Television Commentary A look at TV's gay factor | Mark Harris