The trio of remaining ladies all danced the waltz and tied for fifth with 26 points. We had to endure a whole segment of Mel B. and Maks fake-meditating, but their polished dance more than made up for that crap. The judges continue to be surprised that Mel can hold it together in the ballroom without trashing it up — according to Carrie Ann, when Mel opens her mouth, she resembles a truck driver. Can you imagine if she really was? I would have to join the truck-driving community immediately so Scary and I could hang out at rest stops together, snack on Cheetos, and continue to be untalented at ''focusing.''

What? Oh, right, Jane Seymour and her enormous painting of multicolored footprints. What the hell? I loved how Jane surveyed this ''masterpiece'' after she and Tony were done traipsing all over the surface and declared, ''It's extraordinary.'' No. It's really not. It's a dirty piece of paper. Anyway, Jane and Tony bore the brunt of Liftgate 2007. Carrie Ann insisted that Jane's feet both left the ground during their first spin, and like, duh, of course they did. But a lot of the couples pull the same move, or similar ones, so why ya gotta get up in Dr. Quinn's grill, C.A.? This whole idea of a lift as a trick that one dancer could not perform without the other irks me a little. Isn't that arguably, like, half the total moves of this show? Jane also couldn't balance like a music-box ballerina and twirl around without Tony's support. Should that mesmerizing move be illegal too? Also: Ewwww, ''Piano Man.''

Based on the judges' comments, Tom Bergeron labeled Marie Osmond ''the Sleepy Stripper,'' which pretty much sums up her night. Bruno complained that Marie didn't add her usual strong sense of character to her waltz with Jonathan, but considering that Marie's intended character seemed to be a narcoleptic wood nymph who found her scraggly weave so kinky she just had to shake it out of her exotic nightmares, I'd argue that Marie played this role beautifully. This waltz definitely contained less substance and difficulty than those of Scary and Jane, and was probably a bit overscored. (''Scary and Jane'' would be a fun children's book series. Look into it, gals!)

Pro boxer Floyd Mayweather proved that contrary to popular belief, donning a suit containing red doily fringe does not make one a better dancer. To be fair, the Harold Wheeler Orchestra sounded way out of whack for at least the first 30 seconds of Floyd and Karina's paso doble — and now that we know how the dancers aren't even sure what the song will sound like until the day they perform it, Floyd might deserve some slack there. The judges all commented on Floyd's improvement, but to be honest I thought that dance was the hottest mess since Samantha Harris' first welcome-back screw-up of the evening. Since he was in the bottom two last week, Floyd could be poised to mention his December 8 fight for the last time tomorrow night.

Finally, there's Mark Cuban and Kym, who scored 22 points for a Viennese waltz set to a painful(ly awesome) rendition of ''Mr. Bojangles.'' I'll admit I found Mark's furious note taking more endearing the second time around. There are no attitude kinks to work out with this couple, and Mark clearly has no problem waddling around the ballroom floor like an impeccably dressed Mary Poppins penguin, since that's basically all he can do with his bum hip. If DANCMSTR keeps closing his eyes while judging him, Mark could win this thing!

What do you think? Did you find the lift controversy as pointless as I did? Who else is excited for Wade Robson and whatever the hell kind of hippies-in-chains dance he's gonna pull off tonight? And would you rather see Mark or Floyd go home?

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