Sabrina Bryan tied Cameron's score on her first ''off night'' of the season. She's still the most technically proficient dancer out there, but tonight was the perfect chance for DANCMSTR and Bruno to pierce the quivering bubble of Cheetaliciousness for being too ''powerful'' and ''hard'' during her fox-trot, a dance that should be much smoother. This makes sense, and I welcome the reprieve from the cheese-flavored gushfests Sabrina's critiques usually are, but I wonder if the problem couldn't be easily fixed by Sabrina's partner, Mark. Can't he choreograph a less forceful routine, or at least point out to her which moves could be softer? Oh, and while I'm halfheartedly wishing for things that probably won't happen, could Sabrina please refrain from rehearsing in platform wedge peep-toes while whining, ''I keep messing it up....My feet aren't right''?

Marie Osmond's partner Jonathan's game plan for their paso doble this week? ''I want to make sure that Marie doesn't faint again.'' Mission accomplished, sir. She didn't faint, but Marie didn't exactly move, either. The dance was fairly slow and simple (read: boring). Then again, it's not like Marie's at her dancing best when she's getting whipped around like a cracked-out hula doll with a bad weave and a fainting problem. I almost prefer her putting forth minimal athleticism in exchange for guaranteed uprightness throughout the liiiiiiiiiiive! broadcast. In fact, I found their paso downright competent! But was it final-6 competent or merely "Awww, she fainted last week'' acceptable?

The ''substance'' to Marie's ''style,'' Jane Seymour, scored one point less than Marie (22/30) for the dance we were all dreading from her: a slow-moving jive set to ''Modern Love.'' (We didn't know exactly what we were dreading, but it makes so much sense that this was it, you know?) The judges gently let Jane know this wasn't her best performance by calling it ''not your most comfortable dance'' (Bruno), a ''ballerina jive'' (DANCMSTR), and ''not up to the level that Jane is'' (Carrie Ann...huh?) Oh, but we're still supposed to vote for Jane and Tony because they visited a naval base, because jive originated during World War II, because...zzzzzz.

Since it'll probably come down to Marie and Jane in the bottom two, I should point out that the most painfully awesome part of the group ''rock & roll'' dance was right after Marie did an assisted cartwheel over Jonathan's knees, when she made a two-handed ''in your face, sucka'' gesture directly to Jane. Being Marie Osmond, she looked more like a friendly flight attendant going through a safety briefing than...well, a person dancing. Still, go back and check it out if you can. Or watch it tonight, since this cluster f--- of a dance — culminating in seven identical mid-coitus final poses — will likely be the judges' chosen encore.

What do you think? Will Mel and Helio be safe from elimination? Should Tony shut up about Liftgate already? And which star should go home tonight?

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