''Jesse Ventura's departure last week, coupled with [Donald]
Trump's, has cut the Reform Party's number of dangerous,
unqualified kooks by almost 50 percent.''
Craig Kilborn on The
Late Late Show
''This week Catherine Zeta-Jones said that after she marries
Michael Douglas she's going to change her name to Catherine
Zeta-Douglas. In a related story, Michael Douglas is going to
change his name to 'Creepy Old Guy.'''
Conan O'Brien The Late
Show
''I'll tell you why Sen. Jesse Helms looks a little pissed off
these days. It's because February is Black History Month--and
it's a leap year.''
Dennis Miller on The Dennis Miller Show
''The National Park Service is checking out an Internet rumor
that the model for the Statue of Liberty was black. It turns out
she hasn't been standing in New York since 1886 to symbolize
freedom. She's been standing because she can't get a cab.''
Bill Maher on Politically Incorrect
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