Taiwan On

TK and Rachel's subsequent speed bump was equally anticlimactic, although at least it involved them doing something. Phil said that as part of a tradition from the ''annual Lantern Festival,'' they would have fireworks shot at them and then, ''as is local custom,'' they would be doused with a bucket of water. First of all, getting doused with water when you have a flaming bottle rocket stuck in your hair isn't so much a local custom as it is common fire safety. But second of all, I suspect that someone in Taipei made this all up just to see how gullible the producers were. Annual Lantern Festival? That's what you come up with when you need a fake celebration name fast and there happens to be a lantern in your line of vision. It could just as easily have been ''the honored...uh...celebration of...hmmm...That Guy on a Bike.''

And having them doused with a bucket at the end felt silly. But I think the prankster who came up with the annual Lantern Festival had assumed that the show's producers would have caught on that it was BS. Instead, they asked, ''So after you shoot fireworks at people, what happens next?'' And when you're forced to work off the cuff, sometimes the best you can come up with is ''Uh...we throw water at them?'' Good thing the producers needed to give TK and Rachel a chance to catch up, or they would have included the two other customs they were told about: the chanting of the ancient phrase ''Ohwa tafoo lie-am'' and the traditional stomping on the flaming bag of poo.

Next, the teams found another clue at a teahouse, written on the bottom of a teacup that they had to drain. (Again, kind of an anticlimactic challenge: Drink hot tea! Tune in for the finale when they have to eat a bowl of cereal while being distracted by the deafening snap, crackle, and pop of Rice Krispies!) A clue written in Chinese at the bottom directed them to a night market, where they were told to look for a clown. Or, as a woman misspelled to Nate and Jen, ''a C-O-W.'' I was kind of bummed that they figured out the error; I would have loved to see them try to find a cow, just so we could see one more animal humiliate them.

For the detour, everyone went for the same option: running over jagged stones. (Hey, producers: It doesn't count as an exotic challenge if Tony Robbins also does it on his infomercials.) But the challenges weren't the point this week: They were all just a prelude to Nate and Jen's farewell meltdown. Told by someone that taking the subway to the pit stop would be faster than taking a cab through traffic, they dashed underground while everyone else took cabs. They discovered that they'd need to transfer to a bus later; when that time came, Nate yelled, ''A cab is faster than a bus!'' Which is true: They both go on the same road, but one stops all the time for other people, and one stops just for you. But when Jen said, ''You're sure?'' he backed down. And then Jen exploded and gave his masculinity one more swift kick in the now-atrophied balls: ''You need to make the decision. Please, you're the man!'' Then Nate got all pouty, saying, ''Honestly, Jen, I can't stand you.''

Neither was right in this argument. Nate kept saying he'd always argued against the subway, but he questions every decision. I'm sure that every morning they have to go through the ritual of Jen recommending he get dressed and eat breakfast, while he argues that wait, maybe he should wear a suit made of omelets and eat his pants.

Ultimately, Ron and Christina won the leg handily. And this time they won an actual trip, rather than ''an electric thing...with stuff!'' TK and Rachel rallied to come in second, with Nicolas and Don behind them. And then came Nate and Jen. ''Ahhh, fudge,'' said Nate when told by Phil they'd been eliminated. How did these two have such little self-control when it came to their tempers with each other and yet they always had the presence of mind not to swear?

Things ended with an oddly tender moment. Post-mat, Nate and Jen stood in the middle of Chiang Kai-shek Plaza alone, and Jen pointed out that they hadn't worked on their relationship at all; they'd just cared about the race. (And what made them think that they'd have plenty of therapeutic ''we time'' on The Amazing Race?) Then Nate started to cry. ''Gosh darn it,'' he said, picking her up and hugging her in a tight embrace. This tender moment was humanizing, a reminder that these two people really care about each other.

And I'm just glad the show ended there, before Jen could tell Nate he was squeezing her too hard, he whined that she was a jerk, and the closing Amazing Race theme was drowned out by their chorus of ''You're a frickin' motherfudger!''

What do you think? Post below!

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