Conan O'Brien's Strike Diary Revealed!

ONCE THERE WERE EMMYS... ''I want no part of a world that refuses to congratulate itself''

Conan O'Brien: Dave Bjerke

DAY 37
I turn my back on TV and venture off into uncharted territory: Halo 3. I enthusiastically shoulder my rifle and begin my virtual campaign to defend Earth. Within the hour I've been shot in the face six times by a 9-year-old Dutch boy named DeathGiver23.

DAY 45
The solitude is unbearable. Am I alone? Are there others like me? I decide to visit the Internet and check out some blogs. ''How is everyone holding up?'' I post innocently. The response is swift and merciless: ''U R Gay!'' Quickly I retreat to YouTube and hum along quietly to ''Chocolate Rain.''

DAY 51
I am now surviving completely on Game Shows. I have lost weight, my hands tremble uncontrollably, but I am certain that Briefcase Twenty-Two holds the million dollars. I scream at my television, but that stupid Physical Therapist from Tarzana cannot hear me. Seriously — what is wrong with that bitch?

NEXT PAGE: DAY 64: ''Blasphemy! Horror!''

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