Sound Bites

Sound Bites

TV's funniest lines from January 15 to 21. Read the expanded online-only version of our favorite quips, then vote for the best quote

''She didn't even turn around and look at me. I think she's totally over me!''
TAMI TAYLOR (CONNIE BRITTON), AFTER LEAVING BABY GRACIE AT DAY CARE FOR THE FIRST TIME, ON FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS

''I just woke up in bed and they told me, 'Oh, Bret kicked you off.' You know, I'm a sweet girl. I'm a caring girl. But apparently, I'm also a blackout drunk girl. And, you know, if that's not what he's looking for, maybe he's better off.''
COURTNEY, AFTER LEARNING SHE SLEPT THROUGH HER ELIMINATION, ON ROCK OF LOVE 2

''For once in my life, when I say the words I love you, I mean it.''
RONALD, ON THE IMPROVEMENT IN HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH DAUGHTER CHRISTINA, ON THE AMAZING RACE

''I have a strange doctor — I noticed his specimen jars all have team logos.''
DAVID LETTERMAN, ON THE LATE SHOW

''Thank you very much, both of you, for your kind offer, but my uterus is officially closed to devil spawn.''
CHRISTINA (ASHLEY JENSEN), BRUSHING OFF WILHELMINA'S AND MARC'S BABY-CARRYING OVERTURES, ON UGLY BETTY

''If I were Columbo, I'd Peter Falk her.''
AUDITIONER PAUL MARTURANO, SINGING A STALKER-Y LOVE SONG TO PAULA ABDUL, ON AMERICAN IDOL

''The president's daughter Jenna Bush has set a date for her wedding. She is very excited about her marriage, especially the part where she gets to change her name.''
CRAIG FERGUSON, ON THE LATE LATE SHOW

''I bet every day is like Christmas Eve for you!''
JIMMY KIMMEL, TO GUEST HUGH HEFNER, ON JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE

Sound Bites Poll

Originally posted Jan 25, 2008 Published in issue #976 Feb 01, 2008 Order article reprints
Advertisement

Today's Most Popular

From Our Partners