''Amy Winehouse is going to rehab. Which is notable mostly because her big song is about saying 'no, no, no' to rehab. It reminds me of when TLC did that song 'No Scrubs.' They claimed they didn't want no scrubs, but then years later, we found out that they did want scrubs.''
JIMMY KIMMEL, ON JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE
CHARLES DURNING, AFTER RECEIVING AN EXTENDED STANDING OVATION FOR HIS LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT PRIZE AT THE SAG AWARDS
''Don't touch the yogurt, Christina. I don't eat breakfast, but I have it there so I know what I'm depriving myself of.''
WILHELMINA (VANESSA WILLIAMS), ON UGLY BETTY
''Too bad you're not black we could have kept you around till the end of the season.''
PRODUCER FREDDY (OLIVER PLATT), TO HIS HEARTS 'N SCALPELS STAR AIDAN (BRADLEY COOPER), WHO'S BEING SENT TO REHAB AFTER AN ON-SET SCANDAL, ON NIP/TUCK
''I wouldn't have been surprised if you'd have done a magic trick in the middle of that.''
SIMON TO CRUISE-SHIPPY AUDITIONER RAYSHARDE HENDERSON, ON AMERICAN IDOL
''Christian is like a cartoon character. There's so much yakking and bitching. If I had hair on my head, I'd want to tear it out.''
RAMI KASHOU, COMPLAINING ABOUT DIVA-DESIGNER CHRISTIAN, ON PROJECT RUNWAY
''President Bush gave his State of Union Address earlier this evening. Wasn't it great? I found it very moving, so inspiring, so...I didn't watch either.''
CRAIG FERGUSON, ON THE LATE LATE SHOW
''I think you can tell that Rudy Giuliani is a little desperate because now he is saying that while he was mayor, New York City was never attacked by a giant lizard.''
DAVID LETTERMAN, ON THE LATE SHOW