Sound Bites

Sound Bites

TV's funniest lines from February 5 to 11. Read the expanded online-only version of our favorite quips, then vote for the best quote

''So, in all those nights together, somewhere between brushing teeth and spooning in the sheets, you didn't think that it might be a good time to mention that you prowl the streets with green leather and a compound bow?''
LOIS (ERICA DURANCE), AFTER SHE FINDS OUT HER EX-BOYFRIEND IS THE GREEN ARROW, ON SMALLVILLE

''She's not all squished up and gross. Good work.''
COOPER (RACHAEL HARRIS), PRAISING HER PAL'S NEWBORN, ON NOTES FROM THE UNDERBELLY

''People don't change. For example, I'm gonna keep repeating, 'People don't change.'''
HOUSE (HUGH LAURIE), ON HOUSE

''I'm just trying to take in everything you've done, and then pepper it with a little Stevie B.''
STEPHEN BALDWIN, TRYING TO OFFER HELP DURING A CHALLENGE, ON THE CELEBRITY APPRENTICE

''They say Romney spent $37 million of his own money on the campaign. That's amazing. I was able to not win the presidency for free.''
JIMMY KIMMEL ON JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE!

''Does He have a returns policy?''
SIMON COWELL, RESPONDING TO CONTESTANT TIFFANY McCAMBELL'S CLAIM THAT HER VOICE WAS A GIFT FROM GOD, ON AMERICAN IDOL

''I feel like the pope at a sex club.''
MICHAEL KORS, WHEN CONFRONTED WITH THE WWE'S SCANTILY CLAD FEMALE WRESTLERS, ON PROJECT RUNWAY

''If you're gonna sleep with my daughter, I insist you call me Ben.''
BEN (MICHAEL EMERSON), AFTER KARL (BLAKE BASHOFF) CALLS HIM MR. LINUS, ON LOST

''Everybody in New York gets into Fashion Week — as a matter of fact, Hillary Clinton today was wearing her strapless pantsuit.''
DAVID LETTERMAN, ON THE LATE SHOW

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Originally posted Jan 25, 2008 Published in issue #979 Feb 22, 2008 Order article reprints