Stephen King: The Celeb-ing of the President 2008

Yet glitz alone isn't enough; as some wise fellow (it might have been Yoda) once pointed out, ''One monkey don't stop no show.'' This is hard to believe, but surveys suggest over half the American electorate doesn't seem to care who Wilford Brimley supports (answer: John McCain). Even Oprah's no guarantee: While I'm sure she's helped, she couldn't bring the funk in New Hampshire and Nevada.

Not a problem, though. The response of the media covering the races has been to dumb them down to a giddy but politically inane reality show: Call it The Great Presidency Race or American Political Idol. They even had Dennis Kucinich to play the part of Sanjaya Malakar. Isn't that wonderful for them.

Or call it White House Survivor, with Tim Russert subbing for Jeff Probst. Every primary brings a new immunity challenge, and the winners get a dose of that mystic thing called ''momentum.'' One by one the field is winnowed down until our new champ can be crowned in November. Do the candidates' programs and promises count? A little, but what really plays is Hillary misting up and Mike Huckabee plucking his bass guitar. Is it beyond belief that come November we might hear, ''Election Night '08! Brought to you by Budweiser — please vote responsibly''? Probably it is. But if American Political Idol continues to grow in popularity, it might be only a matter of time. Think of the possibilities! Slo-mo replays of the latest candidate meltdown, brought to you by Chevrolet!

I don't like this. Maybe I'm an old fogy, but turning the election process into a game show makes me depressed about the present and nervous about the future. One possibly good sign: Hip TV watchers have grown increasingly foxy about the polling process. The age of innocence is over; voters once willing to come clean and say they voted for Mike Huckabee because Nugent's ''Cat Scratch Fever'' loincloth is still the high point of their rock lives are harder and harder to find.

Can I be blunt? I think a lot of voters now lie right through their teeth when speaking to pollsters. And that might be the most optimistic trend in an election year where the coverage has never been dumber or more dubious. Because, dig, American voters seem to have realized that once they go into the voting booth and pull the curtain closed, they're on their own. No cameras, no celebs, no immunity challenges. Only them and the lever. Which I think is the way it's supposed to be. Of course, that's just my opinion.

We welcome yours.

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