''American Idol'': Houston, We Have a Problem

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Aside from Brooke and Carly, however, it's pretty much a wide-open race for the remaining women's finalists, and I can't say I'm very emotionally invested in which four stay and which two go.

Okay, that's a little bit of a lie. Of course I'm happy that Amanda Overmyer delivered a solid (albeit wildly overpraised) version of ''I Hate Myself for Loving You.'' Two thirds of the way in, as the Rock & Roll Nurse started riffing on Joan Jett's melody — letting out her trademark guttural howl — I couldn't suppress a big ol' grin. But keeping it really real, the entire first verse was no better than watching your raspy-voiced pal belt out one last number at your local pub's karaoke night. Except that your friend might actually smile when she finished and the crowd erupted with applause. Did Amanda experience some sort of personal upset prior to her performance, or was she hoping the judges might trash her and send her back to a life of hog riding and caring for folks' respiratory tracks? If it's the latter, I expect that on Thursday night, Amanda might become the first contestant in Idol history to sob miserably after advancing to the top 12.

Which leaves us with Syesha, Asia'h, Ramiele, Kristy Lee Cook, and Kady Malloy duking it out for only three spots. The worst of the group, vocally, was Kady; Simon was too kind in calling her rendition of ''Who Wants to Live Forever'' robotic, since that adjective would imply that the attractive blond contestant had at least some sort of electric spark running through her. Even worse, I felt like every other note of Queen's ballad belonged on the side of a milk carton, since they never came out of Kady's mouth. How Randy dubbed this disaster a ''pretty good job'' now ranks alongside the notion of ''Jessica Simpson, Movie Star'' as one of the great pop-culture mysteries of our time.

Kady's failure, of course, may be good news for the competition's other soulless blonde, Kristy Lee Cook, who sang, um, something, tonight, and didn't miss too many notes, if memory serves. It's just that, uh, I kind of seriously cannot even remember it. Not without flipping the page of my notebook to check it. And I just don't care enough about Kristy Lee to do it. More important, I am guessing you don't care enough either. Can we skip Kristy Lee tonight? Yes, guys, I know. There was some cleavage action going on. Why don't you just keep that thought to yourselves? Cool. Thanks for understanding.

Okay, so if Stands With Wide Stance is safe, and Kady deservedly goes home, the season 7 ''Soon to Be Lamented and Possibly Remembered More Fondly Than She Deserves'' Trophy will go to Asia'h, Ramiele, or Syesha. And I'm going to predict that Syesha, the woman who sang best from that group, will be leaving the competition first. Which would maybe be just a tiny bit sad.

The thing is, I've been a fan of Asia'h's since her searing take on ''I'm Goin' Down'' during Hollywood Week, but tonight, she lost me for good. Not just because she committed the cardinal sin of covering Whitney Houston, or that she chose the second-most dated selection in the diva's songbook, ''I Wanna Dance With Somebody.'' (Look it up, ''IWDWS'' ranks just behind ''My Name Is Not Susan.'') And it wasn't that Asia'h performed the song wearing something that looked vaguely like an adult-size onesie. Yeah, the top was hot pink and the high-waisted pants were light pink, but all those crazy buttons lined up so closely and so perfectly. (All it needed were some footies, and the look would've been complete.) It wasn't even Asia'h's delivery, which sounded slightly like she was suffering from a chronic sinus problem. Nope, it was her very proud declaration that she's happy to be known as a ''second-rate Whitney.'' To grab the greatest phrase Ms. Houston ever uttered on Being Bobby Brown: ''Hell to the no!''

But hey, Paula thought she ''nailed it!''

Syesha, on the other hand, delivered a far more tuneful (if equally uninventive) rendition of ''Saving All My Love for You'' (coincidentally her second consecutive number about a single woman involved with a married man, following last week's ''Me and Mr. Jones''), while also engaging in a battle with Carly and Asia'h for the evening's highest waistline. Unfortunately for Syesha, though, Paula's earlier ramblings meant the judges had to rush through their comments about her performance, robbing her of the kind of screen time she desperately needed to win over the hearts and minds of Idol voters.

Syesha outsang Ramiele this week, too, but the contestant whose height must be mentioned at least once a week brought a lot more momentum into tonight's proceedings. And her ''Against All Odds (Take a Look at Me Now),'' while utterly karaoke and emotionally vacant, was on key about 90 pecent of the time, which should score Ramiele enough votes to survive the week. Then again, when you consider that Ramiele chose another of the most overplayed songs in Idol history — one previously sung by Corey Clark, George Huff, Jessica Sierra, Scott Savol, and Katharine McPhee — maybe she has a cosmic price to pay.

Or maybe we can just vote out Phil Collins next week.

What did you think of the women this week? Which two are going home, and which two should go home? Do any of the ladies have a chance to win the whole thing? And was I being too mean to Paula, or is it time for Idol to shop for a replacement?