''Big Brother'': The Great Divorce

So one of the least obnoxious members of the house is now in sequester, where one lucky guy is about to learn that America will soon send him back to the house. And when I say guy, I mean Parker, because — like Janelle and Kaysar before him — he seems the most obvious choice for a second chance. I'm down with that. Parker got a raw deal when he was forced to leave because of Jen's sins, and I want to hear more from the paparazzo with the bitchin' hair. I imagine he'll be immune from eviction during his first week back, though I doubt he'll be Ryan's target now that Matt has proved that he can't be trusted. It was brilliant seeing James call Matt out for playing both Adam and Ryan, but it's Matt's loutish behavior that should really be outed by the other HGs. God, that Neanderthal is trying my patience. I know Natalie is a tragic hanger-on and desperate for love, but why doesn't Matt just flat out say he doesn't want her rather than pussyfoot around the truth with incoherent lines like ''If I'm being particularly mean to you, it's not because I'm being particularly mean to you.'' What the hell? This crap about being friends is not working, either, and only makes him seem like an obnoxious pig who's reserving the right to diddle her later. Honestly, he makes that Dick from BB8 look like an honest-to-goodness gentleman.

I wish I could feign more interest in the upcoming nomination ceremony, but right now I'm just plain bored, man. Your comments are far more interesting than anything Sheila and Adam have to say, anyway. Take this one from Richard M: ''I miss the days when Big Brother was about big and interesting personalities who brought a variety of perspectives and fun to the game. Where's the fun this time around?''

How 'bout we start by making fun of the people on the show? I've got a hankering to take apart the Chenbot's distracting choice of attire last night. But I'll leave the mockery to you. What do you think of the new — and rather predictable — twist? Do you think it would be more interesting if someone other than Parker returned to the house? And who is your least favorite player? Let's rank 'em and predict their odds of winning next week. Until then, keep the spoilers coming! Anything's better than watching YouTube clips of James' gay porn days.

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