''How could she not notice this? It's like the last 20 minutes of Titanic in here.''
ROBIN (COBIE SMULDERS), COMMENTING ON MARSHALL AND LILY'S CROOKED NEW APARTMENT, ON HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER
''Spitzer's voters thought they elected a white guy with a black sidekick. And now the sidekick is governor? I mean, imagine if Ernie Hudson was suddenly lead Ghostbuster. Most customers would rather have a ghost in their house than Hudson.''
SENIOR BLACK CORRESPONDENT LARRY WILMORE, TALKING ABOUT N.Y. GOVERNOR DAVID PATERSON, ON THE DAILY SHOW
''Now they are saying he may have spent $80,000 on prostitutes over the last ten years. Is that a lot? I mean if you do the math, that's only $22 a day. I spend that on Direct TV.''
JIMMY KIMMEL, COMMENTING ON THE SPITZER SCANDAL, ON JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE
''I was in a real college girl's apartment. The smell of incense. Ramen noodles everywhere. A couch that was found in an alley. I imagined this was what heaven was like.''
JUSTIN (DAN BYRD) ON ALIENS IN AMERICA
''Congratulations, Yoko Ono, assassins, cancer, and one-legged gold diggers: You're no longer the worst thing to happen to the Beatles.''"]
JOEL McHALE, ABOUT AMERICAN IDOL CONTESTANT DAVID ARCHULETA BUTCHERING BEATLES LYRICS, ON THE SOUP
''I literally cannot tell time. I, like, stare at the clock and I'll, like, get so frustrated. I know the steps, and people try to teach me. I'm just like, I can't do it. It's so annoying. I'd rather just look at, like, a digital clock.''
CARA, ON BEAUTY AND THE GEEK
''Three weeks ago my girl Tina Fey came on this show and declared, 'Bitch is the new black.'...I have something to say: Bitch may be the new black. But black is the new president, bitch.''
TRACY MORGAN, ON ''WEEKEND UPDATE,'' ON SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE
''Sean 'Diddy' Combs says he's going to start a car service that will help drunk celebrities get home safe. He says he's tired of watching celebrities get really drunk and do stupid things like change their name to 'Diddy.'''
CONAN O'BRIEN, ON LATE NIGHT