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The Seinfeld Chronicles

An obsessive-compulsive viewer's guide to every episode

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By Michael Flaherty, Mary Kaye Schilling

EPISODE 40

THE TRIP, PART I

FIRST AIRED 8/12/92 WRITER Charles DIR. Cherones SYNOPSIS Jerry (with George in tow) heads for L.A. and a Tonight Show appearance. Kramer, still pursuing his Hollywood dream, ends up the prime suspect in a series of ''smog stranglings.'' CRITIQUE Kramer's Sunset Boulevard moment with a has-been starlet, and know-it-all George's starstruck backstage assault on Cheers star George Wendt (''Have they thought about changing the setting? People do meet in places besides a bar''), are the bright spots in an underwhelming season opener. B-

EPISODE 41

THE TRIP, PART II

FIRST AIRED 8/19/92 WRITER Charles DIR. Cherones SYNOPSIS Jerry and George try to reach Kramer and clear his name after he's falsely arrested. CRITIQUE The duo are a scream as strangers in a strange land (L.A.). They also engage in a particularly riotous display of juvenility in the back of a police car (nice cameo by professional psycho Clint Howard, too). B+

EPISODE 42

THE PITCH/THE TICKET (ONE HOUR)

FIRST AIRED 9/16/92 WRITER David DIR. Cherones SYNOPSIS Jerry and George pitch their sitcom about ''nothing'' to NBC. Elaine embarks on a whirlwind tour of Europe with her therapist, Dr. Reston, whose other patient, Crazy Joe Davola, is stalking Kramer and Jerry over a party-invitation slight and the squashing of his own NBC deal. INTRODUCES George's future fiancee, Heidi Swedberg as NBC exec Susan Ross; Bob Balaban as NBC president Russell Dalrymple, a Warren Littlefield doppelganger; Terminator II's Steven McHattie as the creepily intimidating Reston; and Peter Crombie as Crazy Joe. CRITIQUE This show about the show is more informing than it is funny; the NBC scenes kill, but we object to Kramer and Newman's inane courtroom subplot. B-

EPISODE 43

THE WALLET

FIRST AIRED 9/23/92 WRITER David DIR. Cherones SYNOPSIS The defective watch Jerry tossed in the garbage in ''The Pitch'' (later retrieved, in one of those aptly improbable turns of fate, by Uncle Leo) is an issue when his parents wonder about their gift. Mr. Seinfeld's wallet is swiped at the doctor's. Elaine breaks up with her ''Sven-jolly,'' Dr. Reston. CRITIQUE In a show magnifying neuroses to fever pitch, Jerry's respectful rapport with his exasperating family is the closest thing to normalcy Seinfeld offers. B-

EPISODE 44

THE WATCH

FIRST AIRED 9/30/92 WRITER David DIR. Cherones SYNOPSIS George plays hardball with NBC and succeeds in dropping the price for his and Jerry's script. Elaine deals with Reston via Kramer, then gives her number to a smitten Crazy Joe. Jerry regrets asking out Naomi (Jessica Lundy), a restaurant hostess with a braying laugh (''Elmer Fudd sittin' on a juicer''). CRITIQUE None of the subplots really cohere, but worth it for George's hyperirritating visit with Dalrymple and Kramer's inept sparring with Reston. In fact, Richards scored his first Emmy win with this and ''The Junior Mint.'' B

EPISODE 45

THE BUBBLE BOY

FIRST AIRED 10/7/92 WRITERS David/ Charles DIR. Cherones SYNOPSIS Susan invites George, Jerry, and Elaine up to her parents' cabin in "pie country." A Yoo-hoo salesman (Brian Doyle-Murray) guilt-trips Jerry into visiting his hermetically cocooned son on the way. When all is said and done, an enraged George has burst the bubble and a careless, stogie-puffing Kramer has burned down the cabin. CRITIQUE Not only do they use a sick kid as a comic device, they make him into an obnoxious creep; his life-threatening Trivial Pursuit game with George ("Moors!" "Moops!") is a dyspeptic gem. A+

EPISODE 46

THE CHEEVER LETTERS

FIRST AIRED 10/28/92 WRITER David/Pope/Leopold DIR. Cherones SYNOPSIS George and Susan give her father the bad news about the cabin — and spill the beans about a recovered box containing love letters from his secret paramour, author John Cheever. While bedding Elaine's secretary, Jerry offends her with off-the-wall pillow talk ("The panties your mother laid out for you?"). INTRODUCES Grace Zabriskie and Warren Frost as Susan Ross' blue-blood alcoholic mom and dour dad — Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? on the Upper East Side. CRITIQUE Discomfiting as all get-out, this also includes an all-too-realistic depiction of writer procrastination as Jerry and George struggle to crank out the pilot. A-

EPISODE 47

THE OPERA

FIRST AIRED 11/4/92 WRITER Charles DIR. Cherones SYNOPSIS Picking up where "The Watch" left off, Elaine dumps Crazy Joe when she discovers he's transformed his apartment into a demented shrine to her. The unmedicated nut then stalks her and Jerry at a performance of I Pagliacci. (Says Jerry: "I kind of like this opera crowd. I feel tough.") CRITIQUE Another gleefully sociopathic Davola appearance puts this one nicely over the top — just like a good opera. B+

EPISODE 48

THE VIRGIN

FIRST AIRED 11/11/92 WRITERS Mehlman/Peter Farrelly/Bob Farrelly DIR. Cherones SYNOPSIS Jerry dates a closet-organizing virgin, Marla (Frasier's Jane Leeves). Assuming a sitcom gig will make him more desirable, George looks for a way to dump Susan — and succeeds. Ping sues Elaine for a jaywalking mishap. CRITIQUE At least three terrific scenes — George and Jerry's "What's a girlfriend?" chat, Elaine's diaphragm remarks, and George getting henpecked by phone while Kramer plays Jeopardy! — make this Mehlman and Farrelly brothers (Dumb and Dumber) effort a hall of famer. A

EPISODE 49

THE CONTEST

FIRST AIRED 11/18/92 WRITER David DIR. Cherones SYNOPSIS George's mother catches him, you know, with a copy of Glamour magazine, prompting a contest to see who can remain "master of their domain." INTRODUCES Estelle Harris as Estelle Costanza, explaining a whole lot about the mess that is her son. CRITIQUE Clearly on a roll, the show hit a new high with this masterful tribute to sublimation. Since no money changes hands between George and Jerry, we wondered who, in fact, won. Larry David claims, "We resolved it [in "The Puffy Shirt" (63)]," where George boasts about prevailing. Seinfeld, however, maintains that not only was it a tie, "it's still going on. Maybe in the last episode we'll have to talk about 'Well, do you give?'" A+

EPISODE 50

THE AIRPORT

FIRST AIRED 11/25/92 WRITER Charles DIR. Cherones SYNOPSIS Jerry and Elaine are separated on a packed flight to La Guardia airport: Jerry ends up in first class, next to model Tia Van Camp (Jennifer Campbell); Elaine gets stuck in coach. George and Kramer attempt to pick them up at the airport. Ha! CRITIQUE Elaine's acute distress — intercut with Jerry's wine-sipping, slipper-wearing, sundae-eating idyll — is a joy to behold. Who doesn't relate to this class struggle every time they board a plane? A+

EPISODE 51

THE PICK

FIRST AIRED 12/16/92 WRITERS David/Marc Jaffe DIR. Cherones SYNOPSIS Nose picking and nipple baring are Jerry and Elaine's scarlet letters in an episode that also finds Kramer confronting designer Calvin Klein (Nicholas Hormann) over aromatic plagiarism and George getting Susan back — to his dismay. CRITIQUE Kramer as CK underwear model and George's Louis Pasteur digression are prime examples of Richards' and Alexander's comedic genius: zany physicality and desperate deception. But as with all of the best episodes, everyone rocks. One complaint: a woefully unexploited therapy visit for basket case George. A

EPISODE 52

THE MOVIE

FIRST AIRED 1/6/93 WRITERS Steve Skrovan/Bill Masters/Jon Hayman DIR. Cherones SYNOPSIS Jerry, George, Elaine, and Kramer try to go to a movie together. CRITIQUE Yet another attempt to recapture the high anxiety of "Chinese Restaurant," but there's a fine line between transcendent and tiresome. Guess which side this one falls on? D

EPISODE 53

THE VISA

FIRST AIRED 1/27/93 WRITER Mehlman DIR. Cherones SYNOPSIS When George's relationship with a lawyer — Cheryl "The Terminator" Fong (Maggie Han) — goes kablooey, so do Babu's chances for remaining in the U.S. and Elaine's opportunity to avoid a costly judgment from Ping. Kramer goes to baseball fantasy camp. CRITIQUE Nothing's funnier than Jerry trying not to be funny in this festival of ethnic ire — except, maybe, George fraudulently ingratiating himself with yet another woman. A-

EPISODE 54

THE SHOES

FIRST AIRED 2/4/93 WRITERS David/Seinfeld DIR. Cherones SYNOPSIS When George imperils the NBC pilot with an inappropriate stare, it's Elaine — and her cleavage — to the rescue. HISTORIC MOMENTS Jerry's Superman magnet joins his fridge —coincidentally, or not, this also marks the beginning of the show's residence in the top 10. CRITIQUE An off episode for Elaine, who gets stuck with a lame shoe subplot. Actually, this rare David/Seinfeld foul pretty much stinks for everyone. D

EPISODE 55

THE OUTING

FIRST AIRED 2/11/93 WRITER Charles DIR. Cherones SYNOPSIS A joke perpetrated by Elaine leads a New York University student reporter (Paula Marshall) to assume that (single, thin, neat) Jerry and George are gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that. HISTORIC MOMENT We learn that George met Jerry at JFK High School, when George fell off a rope in gym class and landed on Jerry's head. CRITIQUE Except for another annoying jacket routine (this time Elaine refuses to take her parka off for no apparent reason), "Outing" strikes the perfect Seinfeldian balance: far-fetched and accessible. Then again, Jerry dating a college kid? Get out! A-

EPISODE 56

THE OLD MAN

FIRST AIRED 2/18/93 WRITERS Charles/Bruce Kirschbaum DIR. Cherones SYNOPSIS Following Elaine's selfless example, Jerry and George sign with the Senior Citizens Volunteer Agency to fill the "deep yawning chasm" of their lives. Elaine's charge is a goiter-sporting former lover of Gandhi (voiced by Edie McClurg); George and Jerry end up with geriatric versions of each other (Robert Donley and Emmy-nominated Bill Erwin). CRITIQUE The perils of altruism yield big yuks once again — not to mention Jerry and George confronting the dual spectres of aging and (gasp!) maturity. B+

EPISODE 57

THE IMPLANT

FIRST AIRED 2/25/93 WRITER Mehlman DIR. Cherones SYNOPSIS Much mammarian speculation surrounds Jerry's current object of desire, Sidra (Lois & Clark's Teri Hatcher). George tries to use a funeral to make headway with new girlfriend Betsy (Megan Mullally). Kramer insists he's seen Salman Rushdie at the gym. CRITIQUE Numerous guffaw-worthy scenes (George's mimed reaction to Betsy's emergency phone call and his "double dip" fracas being two), yet the whole falls just short of its parts. B

EPISODE 58

THE JUNIOR MINT

FIRST AIRED 3/18/93 WRITER Andy Robin DIR. Cherones SYNOPSIS Jerry dates a woman (Susan Walters) whose name rhymes with a female body part — if only he knew which one. Elaine rekindles her affections for an ex, Roy/Triangle Boy (Sherman Howard), as he's about to undergo a splenectomy, which Jerry and Kramer get to observe. HISTORIC MOMENT Seinfeld has remarked that his ad-lib — "Let's go watch 'em slice this fat bastard up" — opened the door for all manner of verbal envelope pushing. CRITIQUE The combined snarkiness of two trademark motifs (the provocation — via the name guessing — of dirty thoughts; and George's hopes of profiting from death) adds up to a minor masterpiece. B+

EPISODE 59

THE SMELLY CAR

FIRST AIRED 4/15/93 WRITERS David/Mehlman DIR. Cherones SYNOPSIS Jerry wages an epic struggle against "The Beast," after a parking valet infests his car with otherworldly BO. George worries he's put Susan off men after seeing her holding hands with Mona (Viveka Davis), a golf instructor who, in turn, falls for Kramer. CRITIQUE George as despairing sexual leper ("Amazing. I drive them to lesbianism. [Kramer] brings 'em back!") is, of course, a treat. But Jerry's initially funny predicament runs out of gas, as it were. B-

EPISODE 60

THE HANDICAP SPOT

FIRST AIRED 5/13/93 WRITER David DIR. Cherones SYNOPSIS The ethically challenged meet the physically challenged as the foursome appropriate a handicap spot at a suburban mall en route to an engagement party for The Drake (Rick Overton). INTRODUCES John Randolph as Frank Costanza (his scenes were later reshot for syndication by his successor, Jerry Stiller — a television rarity). Critique While there are always moments of misanthropic self-centeredness, "Spot" is a veritable celebration of it — and good callous fun at that! B

EPISODE 61

THE PILOT (ONE HOUR)

FIRST AIRED 5/20/93 WRITER David DIR. Cherones SYNOPSIS Revolving around the casting (most notably, Ellen's Jeremy Piven as "George"), taping, and airing of the NBC pilot are Dalrymple's obsession with an uninterested Elaine, Kramer's constipation, and George's cancer scare. CRITIQUE What a missed opportunity! The show-within-a-show goings-on offered all sorts of riotous, hour-filling possibilities. Instead, Kramer and Elaine are thrown subplot bones, making what should have been a watershed event feel padded and slack. B-