EPISODE 83
THE CHAPERONE
FIRST AIRED 9/22/94 WRITERS David/Bill Masters/Bob Shaw DIR. Andy Ackerman SYNOPSIS Kramer Svengalies Miss Rhode Island (Marguerite MacIntyre) for the Miss America Pageant. Elaine gets a job as assistant to Justin Pitt, a personal friend of Jackie Onassis. George persuades the Yankees to switch to cotton uniforms. INTRODUCES Ian Abercrombie as the lordly Pitt, and Andy Ackerman as the show's new signature director. CRITIQUE Kramer-as-flaky-savant is the first show-stealing turn in what will be Richards' strongest season so far. And we like Elaine's strangely affectionate subservience to Pitt, a step up from her chemistry-free rapport with Pendant's Lippman. B
EPISODE 84
THE BIG SALAD
FIRST AIRED 9/29/94 WRITER David DIR. Ackerman SYNOPSIS George's pettiness reaches new heights when girlfriend Julie (Michelle Forbes) takes credit for buying Elaine's salad. Jerry becomes unhinged after learning that current flame Margaret (Marita Geraghty) was once dumped by Newman. Kramer fears he may have incited a former baseball player to murder. CRITIQUE Arguably Newman's best episode, and cheekily clever for its White Bronco spoof. B+
EPISODE 85
THE PLEDGE DRIVE
FIRST AIRED 10/6/94 WRITERS Gammill/Pross DIR. Ackerman SYNOPSIS Mr. Pitt's eating Snickers with a knife and fork sparks a craze. George thinks everyone's giving him the finger. Jerry's suggestion that Elaine's friend Noreen (Kelly Coffield) is hitting on him gets Noreen's ''high-talking'' boyfriend Dan (Brian Reddy) all worked up. INTRODUCES Tom Wright as Yankee exec Morgan, and Billye Ree Wallace as Jerry's nana. CRITIQUE Seinfeld's savvy exploiting of idiosyncrasies (Mr. Pitt's candy bar quirk) is crucial to the show's irresistibility. Noreen, however, goes nowhere (and yet turns up again). B-
EPISODE 86
THE CHINESE WOMAN
FIRST AIRED 10/13/94 WRITER Mehlman DIR. Ackerman SYNOPSIS Intrigued by a phone conversation with Donna Chang (Angela Dohrmann), Jerry asks her out thinking she's Chinese. Elaine convinces Noreen to dump the high-talker, only to see her take up with a ''long talker.'' George laments his parents' breakup. Kramer's sperm test reveals he's low. CRITIQUE Donna's (real name Changstein) unconscious Chinese affectation offers a delicious array of character tics. And who can resist Kramer's concern over ''his boys''? B
EPISODE 87
THE COUCH
FIRST AIRED 10/27/94 WRITER David DIR. Ackerman SYNOPSIS Bibliophobe George goes to extremes to avoid reading Breakfast at Tiffany's for his book club. Elaine's hardline pro-choice stance hospitalizes Poppie and clashes with that of Carl (JAG's David James Elliott), her otherwise-perfect moving-man beau. (''The best part is, he doesn't play games,'' says Elaine. ''No games?'' asks Jerry. ''What is the point of dating without games? How do you know if you're winning...?'') CRITIQUE A rare foray into hot-button politics proves more novelty than amusement. B-
EPISODE 88
THE GYMNAST
FIRST AIRED 11/3/94 WRITERS Alec Berg/Jeff Schaffer DIR.Ackerman SYNOPSIS George's girlfriend's mother (Lois Nettleton) suspects him of being a panhandling bum. Jerry dates Katya (Elina Lowensohn), a Romanian gymnast, expecting, well, gymnastics in bed. Elaine nearly blows Mr. Pitt's Moland Springs merger. CRITIQUE Watching George haplessly digging a hole for himself with Mrs. Enright is the high point in a pretty rote episode. Note, however, the far-flung wrap-up, with one of the show's blunter Hitler references. C+
EPISODE 89
THE SOUP
FIRST AIRED 11/10/94 WRITER Fred Stoller DIR. Ackerman SYNOPSIS Oppressive comic Kenny Bania gives Jerry a brand new Armani suit in exchange for a free meal. George is blown off mid-date by a Monk's waitress (Tracy Kolis) and is determined to find out if she really does have a boyfriend. Elaine dates a penniless British bounder (Daniel Gerroll). INTRODUCES Stephen Hytner as Mendy's devotee Banya, one of the series' casting triumphs. CRITIQUE The squabbling over what exactly constitutes a meal — between Jerry, Banya, and Elaine — is the show at its nitpicky best. Overall, a finely tuned script that wisely sticks close to home and modulates the eccentricity. B+
EPISODE 90
THE MOM & POP STORE
FIRST AIRED 11/17/94 WRITERS Gammill/Pross DIR. Ackerman SYNOPSIS George buys a used Chrysler LeBaron convertible because he believes it belonged to Jon Voight (in a cameo). Kramer tries to help a local shoe-repair shop--and proceeds to put it out of business. INTRODUCES Bryan Cranston as dentist-to-the-gang Tim Whatley. CRITIQUE Woody Woodpecker, the Thanksgiving Day Parade, and a Midnight Cowboy send-up propel an improbably intricate plot that is, nevertheless, cleverly out there. B+
EPISODE 91
THE SECRETARY
FIRST AIRED 12/8/94 WRITERS Leifer/Marjorie Gross DIR. David Owen Trainor SYNOPSIS George purposely hires a prim, unassuming secretary — Ada (Vicki Lewis) — and finds himself unraveled and undermined. Jerry discovers that Willie the dry cleaner and his wife are wearing their customers' clothes. Elaine blames Barneys' skinny mirrors for dress misrepresentation. A triple-action-moisturizer mishap blows Kramer's chances with Uma Thurman. CRITIQUE All that, plus a second meal-mooching deal with Bania propel another improbably intricate plot that is not so cleverly out there. B-
EPISODE 92
THE RACE
FIRST AIRED 12/15/94 WRITERS Gammill/Pross/David/Sam Kass DIR. Ackerman SYNOPSIS In dating Lois (Renee Props), Jerry is reunited with Duncan (Don R. McManus), a former classmate whom he fraudulently beat in a high school race, and who is demanding a rematch. Thanks to Elaine's communist beau (Todd Kimsey), George answers a personal ad in The Daily Worker, and a department-store-Santa Kramer spouts propaganda to tykes. CRITIQUE A wacky juxtaposition (all-American Superman and the Red Menace) sets the stage for two sterling moments: George and Jerry's frank phoniness at the diner, and George's visit with an eerily Steinbrenneresque Fidel Castro. B+
EPISODE 93
THE SWITCH
FIRST AIRED 1/5/95 WRITERS Kirschbaum/Kass DIR. Ackerman SYNOPSIS George suspects his model girlfriend Nina (Charlotte Lewis) is bulimic. Jerry schemes to get dumped by his non-laughing girlfriend Sandi (Jann Karam) so as to move in on her giddy roommate, Laura (Heather Medway). Kramer reunites with estranged mom, Babs (Sheree North). CRITIQUE The laughs attending the unveiling of Kramer's first name (Cosmo) — and Newman's Babs connection — are topped only by J's and G's devious, Dragnet-like brainstorming of the roommate switch. A-
EPISODE 94
THE LABEL MAKER
FIRST AIRED 1/19/95 WRITERS Berg/Schaffer DIR. Ackerman SYNOPSIS Re-gifting, de-gifting, connections, and disconnections abound as Jerry haggles over the fate of a pair of Super Bowl tix with Tim the dentist, and George tries to worm his way into his girlfriend Bonnie's (Jessica Tuck) life — well, her velvet-draped pad anyway — while ridding it of her male roomie. CRITIQUE Kramer and Newman's inane Risk subplot mars an otherwise fine effort. B-
EPISODE 95
THE SCOFFLAW
FIRST AIRED 1/26/95 WRITER Mehlman DIR. Ackerman SYNOPSIS Champion prevaricator George meets his match in "cancer victim" Gary (Jon Lovitz). Kramer ruins Elaine's post-breakup "hand" with Jujyfruits casualty Jake Jarmel (82), and discovers that Newman and his car are a local cop's Moby-Dick. HISTORIC MOMENT George gets a toupee. CRITIQUE Lovitz's Gary is a smarmy high, but the whole Melville angle (Kramer's eye patch, Newman as great white metaphor) sinks like a stone. And the Kramer- Elaine-Jarmel optical brouhaha — what was that? B-
EPISODE 96
THE BEARD
FIRST AIRED 2/9/95 WRITER Leifer DIR. Ackerman SYNOPSIS Elaine trys to convert a gay man. Emboldened by his toupee, George goes out on the prowl, only to fall for a bald woman. Jerry's hopes for dating a police officer are dashed after he fails a Melrose Place lie detector test. CRITIQUE How smart of them to reference the other hot show of '95. Also notable: Jerry's riff on why you can't convert gay men, the latest in a long line of sex-as-sports analogies. ("You think you can get him to just change teams?...When you join that team, it's not a whim. He likes his team.... They're only comfortable with their equipment.") B+
EPISODE 97
THE KISS HELLO
FIRST AIRED 2/16/95 WRITERS David/Seinfeld DIR. Ackerman SYNOPSIS Kramer's camaraderie-stimulating wall of tenant photos makes standoffish Jerry a building outcast. The gang finds its self-centered equal in Elaine's physical therapist friend Wendy (Just Shoot Me's Wendie Malick), she of the "high school yearbook" hair (coproducer Carol Leifer plays her receptionist). CRITIQUE The Uncle Leo/Nana racetrack angle seems like filler in an otherwise top-notch episode. As always, sitcom staple Malick spices things up. B+
EPISODE 98
THE DOORMAN
FIRST AIRED 2/23/95 WRITERS Gammill/Pross DIR. Ackerman SYNOPSIS Jerry, thinking he's appeasing Mr. Pitt's abrasive doorman (Larry Miller) by covering for him, instead falls prey to his "sting." Kramer designs the Bro (a.k.a. the Manssiere) for the bosomy Mr. Costanza. CRITIQUE Miller's sinister turn, Estelle Costanza discovering a bra-clad Frank and Kramer cha-cha-cha-ing, and an ingenious Marathon Man homage — all that, and Poppie, too! A-
EPISODE 99
THE JIMMY
FIRST AIRED 3/16/95 WRITERS Gregg Kavet/Andy Robin DIR. Ackerman SYNOPSIS Visits to Tim the dentist leave Jerry believing the doc's a pervert and strangers believing an over-anesthetized Kramer is mentally challenged. George's excessive sweating implicates him in Yankees pilfering. Gym habitue and third- person-speakin' Jimmy (Anthony Starke) hits on an unsuspecting Elaine. INTRODUCES Richard Herd as the Yankees' absent-minded traveling secretary Wilhelm. HISTORIC MOMENT We learn that Kramer thinks George Will is attractive — although not all that bright. CRITIQUE A brilliant device for Kramer (yielding the best depiction of the fine man/child line he walks) makes this a highlight. A
EPISODE 100
THE DOODLE
FIRST AIRED 4/6/95 WRITERS Berg/Schaffer DIR. Ackerman SYNOPSIS A Newman-instigated flea infestation in apartment 5A leads to Elaine losing a plum Viking Press gig, Kramer losing his sense of taste, and Jerry losing a girlfriend (Dana Wheeler-Nicholson) after he refuses to share her toothbrush. George dates a woman (Christa Miller again) who doesn't care what he looks like. CRITIQUE The Seinfeld elders' trashing of a Plaza suite is just one of the absurd bits we aren't buyin'. C+
EPISODE 101
THE FUSILLI JERRY
FIRST AIRED 4/27/95 WRITERS Gross/Jonathan Gross/Ron Hauge/Charlie Rubin DIR. Ackerman SYNOPSIS Elaine dates Jerry's grease-monkey pal David Puddy and discovers that he's stolen Jerry's "move" (it requires a headboard). Kramer tries to live up to his "Assman" vanity plates. Introduces Patrick Warburton (Dave's World) as Puddy, "the only honest mechanic in New York." HISTORIC MOMENT Establishes the K-Man's hobby of sculpting with pasta. CRITIQUE The triumph here is in taking two wildly divergent comic tacks (butt-joke juvenility and the comparatively sophisticated sex-as-stand-up-routine metaphor) and making them equally winning. A
EPISODE 102
THE DIPLOMAT
FIRST AIRED 5/4/95 WRITERS Gammill/Pross DIR. Ackerman SYNOPSIS George desperately seeks African-American friends after Morgan implies he's a racist. Pitt suspects that after adding Elaine to his will, she is trying to kill him. Jerry freaks out during a frustrating trip home from a gig. Introduces Debra Jo Rupp as Jerry's pesky, micromanaging agent, Katie. HISTORIC MOMENTS We learn of Kramer's gambling problem, and that Newman inherited Son of Sam's mail route — and once double-dated with him! CRITIQUE Laughs from unlikely sources: a convincingly angry Jerry and a wistfully nostalgic Elaine (in her The Way We Were Pitt reverie, after he fires her). George, on the other hand, is reliably ridiculous. B
EPISODE 103
THE FACE PAINTER
FIRST AIRED 5/11/95 WRITERS David/Stoller DIR. Ackerman SYNOPSIS George finally speaks the L-word, only to fear that the object of his desire — fellow toilet-paper enthusiast Siena (Drew Carey's Katy Selverstone) — didn't hear him. David Puddy's (101) hockey-game face-painting has Elaine reconsidering their relationship. Kramer must apologize to a chimpanzee (Barry). HISTORIC MOMENT We learn that George has never said I love you, except to a dog. CRITIQUE We love Puddy's outer-borough dolt. But again with a hearing-impaired girlfriend (57 and 67)? B
EPISODE 104
THE UNDERSTUDY
FIRST AIRED 5/18/95 WRITERS Gross/Leifer DIR. Ackerman SYNOPSIS When George injures Bette Midler during a celebrity softball game, Kramer gets a shot at nursing his idol and Jerry's girlfriend Gennice gets a shot at the lead in Rochelle, Rochelle: The Musical. Mr. Costanza aids Elaine in a nail-salon caper, and rediscovers his lost Korean love. INTRODUCES John O'Hurley as pretentious and long-winded catalog magnate J. Peterman. CRITIQUE A particularly one-note Jerry relationship, but also a priceless example of the show's unerring ability to tap into common insecurities (the manicurists), and typically judicious celeb casting. B+
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