TV Article

Sound Bites

TV's funniest lines from April 8 to 14. Read the expanded online-only version of our favorite quips, then vote for the best quote

TV's funniest quotes: Pick the week's best

''You know how I love doing battle with those guys; I'll just stare them down. They got a lot of nerve charging those prices — those mints get thinner every year!''
JEFF (PATRICK WARBURTON), ON HOW HE HANDLES GIRL SCOUT COOKIE SEASON, ON RULES OF ENGAGEMENT

''Who parts that for you — Moses?''
JIMMY KIMMEL, TALKING TO SIMON COWELL ABOUT HIS HAIRDO, ON AMERICAN IDOL'S IDOL GIVES BACK

''Of all my days of watching girls puke, Daisy may be the hottest.''
BRET MICHAELS, AFTER DAISY VOMITED OVER THE SIDE OF THE BOAT, ON ROCK OF LOVE 2 WITH BRET MICHAELS

''It has sort of an oaky afterbirth.''
MICHAEL SCOTT (STEVE CARELL), AFTER TASTING WINE, ON THE OFFICE

''You know if you Google the phrase 'Class A moron,' my name pops up first now? So step aside, Randy Quaid.''
JACK DONAGHY (ALEC BALDWIN), AFTER A STAFFER CRITICIZED HIM IN A TABLOID NEWSPAPER, ON 30 ROCK

''I wanna be like freakin' Mother Theresa, but in a diva kind of way, okay?''
DOMINIQUE, TALKING ABOUT HER LIFE GOALS, ON AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL

''Yep, that was her dad, the late Crocodile Hunter who died two years ago, appearing in her show, this week. He’s like Tupac.''
JOEL MCHALE, AFTER A CLIP FROM A NEW EPISODE OF BINDI, THE JUNGLE GIRL THAT FEATURED CLIPS OF STEVE IRWIN IN HER LATEST MUSIC VIDEO, ON THE SOUP

''In anticipation of Pope Benedict's trip to New York next week, t-shirts, mugs, posters and Pope bobblehead dolls are going on sale all over the city. After all, the pope deserves the same respect and admiration that we bestow upon 'Scarface.' ''
SETH MEYERS, ON SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE

''The New York Post is reporting that the store Linens 'N Things is headed for bankruptcy. A spokesman for Linens 'N Things says: 'We've been selling plenty of linens but not nearly enough things.' ''
CONAN O'BRIEN, ON LATE NIGHT

Sound Bites Poll

Originally posted Apr 17, 2008 Published in issue #988-989 Apr 25, 2008 Order article reprints
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