In 2005, Chelsea Handler, host of E!'s Chelsea Lately, made her publishing debut with a book about one-night stands, My Horizontal Life. Now she returns with Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea. In this gut-busting compilation of essays, the 33-year-old recalls eating pantless in a London dine-in-the-dark restaurant and lying to friends about starring in a Private Benjamin sequel at age 9. ''There's definitely a theme,'' says Handler, ''and it's me just being an a -- hole.''
''You don't ever think any of your stories are interesting until you're telling people and they're like, 'Nobody else did that, Chelsea,''' explains Handler. ''I say, 'Nobody lied and pretended they were acting in movies when they were 9?' And they're like, 'No, no one did that. Your lies are so far-fetched and retarded that you have to put them down on paper.'''
Un-P.C. and Proud
In Vodka, she writes that being a redheaded man ''is pretty much a lose-lose situation'' which has upset some of her carrot-topped acquaintances. ''People need to be more particular about what they're sensitive about,'' she says. ''You can't be mad when somebody says women or Asians are bad drivers. That's not a terrible thing to say. That's a stereotype that's pretty innocuous.''
Duncing the Stars
She's puzzled by the public's fixation on quasi-celebs like Tila Tequila (''I fell asleep twice during that interview'') and Sunset Tan's Olly Girls (''I'm like, 'Oh my God, are these two voting?'''). But there's an upside to being an E! host: ''It's a short interview, so you can't get disgusted that quickly. By the time you do, it's usually over.''