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Then Natalie bid $240 of Jason's money for what turned out to be a giant chocolate cake, and the right to gorge on it for 60 seconds with three others. She, Cirie, Alexis, and Parvati then dug in for an orgy of frosting and Duncan Hines. Even the three-year-olds at my daughter's recent birthday party would have said, ''Ladies, please, show a little self-restraint. It's only cake.'' But at least they made some of their money back: Erik paid them $40 to clean their fingers with his tongue. I'm surprised he didn't throw in an extra $20 to go at their feet: Hey, toejam's still jam, right?

After weeks with little to no food, I can only imagine how fast their hearts were racing after this massive influx of sugar. Perhaps it was this jolt of energy that turned Natalie from mouse to lioness. After saying not one thing that I can remember up until now, she suddenly spouted, regarding Jason's trip to Exile Island, ''The little bitch now has two days of sunshine with the immunity idol. Guaranteed, hands down, the bitch'll find it. And that bitch being Jason.'' Quite a rant...if an overexplained one: I think we could all keep track of who the bitch was in this particular scenario.

And then the scheming began: The women decided that since Jason would likely find the Idol, they had to fool him into thinking that they were on his side so he wouldn't play it, and then they could blindside him as they did Ozzy. But, wow, the glee with which they plotted his demise! During the early planning, they were all scheming in a circle around a smoking fire. My first thought was, Boy, they look like a bunch of evil witches sitting there. But then I thought, No, that's sexist. If they were men, I would probably just say they were good strategists. Of course, about 15 minutes later, after more plotting, Alexis and Parvati cackled and mimed stirring a giant cauldron. So scratch that first thought: Nice going, you witches!

Natalie, drunk with power, became a one-woman quote machine, talking about how she was becoming more herself, a ''stone cold bitch and pretty cutthroat,'' and how she was looking forward to flossing her teeth with Jason's jugular. This was quite an empowering performance for women everywhere. In fact, I think we can all look forward to the upcoming Lifetime movie, ''I'll Use Your Scrotum as a Hackeysack: The Natalie Bolton Story.''

What was amazing was just how perfectly they played Jason, who is more easily manipulated than a Stretch Armstrong doll. Even though sending him to Exile Island was an admitted mistake, Natalie knew she could convince him that she did it to help him find the idol...and at that very moment, on Exile Island, Jason was thinking, Gee, Natalie must actually like me to send me here to find the idol! We are best friends! Perhaps someday we will get married and raise children, right here on Exile Island!

NEXT PAGE: Two blindsides in two weeks


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