'Big Brother': Bro Choice

Natalie: I'm supposed to be sitting there with you guys! Joshuah: How can that be? There are only supposed to be two of them! Lynette: Oh, snap! Natalie: Baller, why didn't you take me, me, me, to the final two? Waaaaaa! What Adam and Ryan said: Something lame and not worth repeating. What they should have said: Natalie, you're an incredibly sweet girl. You always were in good spirits. We, on the other hand, have done a few dastardly things in this house. Honestly, if either of us had taken you to the final two, you would have beaten us hands down simply because of your likability. We just couldn't take the chance. Would you forgive us, hon?

Sheila: Why did you lie to my face, Adam? Adam: I got us to the final three, Sheila. Yes, you helped, too. But you had your chance, and you fudged it up. Let's be honest, girl: you practically drown-dead in that final competition. I couldn't have said it better myself, Adam! Sheila, though still looking fabulous, needs to get over her bad self and stop being so mean to the guy. It's over. She lost. Bye-bye.

By the time the questioning was done, it appeared Adam was in the lead simply because he was far more eloquent and articulate in his answers than Ryan. But just because someone comes off as a lifetime member of Toastmasters doesn't mean he deserves to win. Even in his final speech, Adam tried hard to make everybody happy — just as he did in the house — by saying things like ''I wish we could split up the money.'' Ryan, on the other hand, kept it simple: He played a stand-up game. I'm pretty sure the jury knew he did, too, but likability trumped strong game play, so Adam went home with the cash. I don't begrudge his win; as I said, I loved this final three and was glad to see the two guys win something. Moreover, I have no reason to distrust Adam's promise to donate $100K for those autistic kids — though I have no reason to believe him, either. It doesn't really matter; it's no one's business how he spends his winnings but his, which made James' comment ''I hope you party away this money'' all the more appropriate.

And now, a few final thoughts about this oh-so-short episode (I'll let you complain amongst yourselves about how CBS gypped us yet again out of a two-hour finale): I had no idea what Chelsia meant by her comment ''I hope you hold your end of the deal'' when she cast her vote for Adam. I still don't think she has a fat-girl haircut, but boy, is she dumb. I thought the producers missed an opportunity to give Adam the public whupping he deserved by not replaying his ''retard'' line from earlier this season. (Instead, they decided that his only ''crime'' was when he mouthed to Natalie that he voted for her during her final moment in the house.) I was also very glad to see that I'm not in the minority when it comes to my appreciation of James, the winner of the audience cash prize. That's okay, readers: you don't have to be right all the time. (But MooseTV, I loved the pearl-clutching line. Keep up the fun posts.)

I could stretch out this final column by calling out all those has-been houseguests who were sitting in the audience (where we'll never see Will or Danielle or Jack, by the way), but its time to revive the tradition where I ask you fans to suggest how CBS should fix this show. (Then I'll send the suggestions off to CBS, which will promptly hit the delete button.) What do you think needs to change? Should players come into the game with secret alliances? Should luxury competitions that result in shameless promotions for movies be eliminated? Should ex-houseguests be allowed to participate in the game? Post your answers fast and furiously, and try to be good until July 13. S'long, everyone.