So last week on The Hills, Lauren, Audrina, and Lo began discussing moving into a house together, and then this week — poof — they have a house! The real estate market in L.A. moves really fast, doesn't it? It must be because they were willing to shell out $2 million for their mini-mansion. That's right, folks: According to reports, the trio's new chateau did cost that much. [Insert mouth drop here.] Besides the fact that I'm pretty sure their closets are bigger than my entire New York apartment — I know, I know, L.A. is a totally different city, but still! — how in the world do stars of a reality show afford a place like that? Here's a theory: Maybe Lauren upped the prices on her clothing line (which, as we know, is filled with cute but very simple pieces that I've seen for way cheaper at places like H&M). Or maybe MTV bought it for them as a thank-you-for-getting-us-ratings gift. And, are any of you wondering how much the girls are each paying, if anything? Does Audrina chip in more because she has the entire guesthouse to herself? Are they paying extra for security, since it seems like everyone in the world now knows where they live? Do they rent or own? Am I thinking way too much about all of this? Yeah, I probably am.
''It's going to be an amazing party house, are you kidding?'' gushed Lo about the new place — which for the sake of this TV Watch and my own typing purposes, I am now officially dubbing the ALL house. (Can you hear it now: ALL parties, ALL the time!) ''We have to have the best housewarming party, honestly,'' said Lauren. Then, just as fast as the house was purchased, a housewarming party was in the works. Lauren told Lo that Stephen Colletti was planning on stopping by, and this news made Lo super giddy. ''You guys are hanging out again,'' she said to Lauren. ''That melts my little black heart.'' Oh, Lo, comments like that melt my little black heart. I love that she can admit that she's a vixen; it makes her all that more likable. ''You always loved Stephen,'' said Lo. ''That's exciting.'' ''It's not exciting, it's not a thing,'' Lauren said. ''It can't be a thing because if it's a thing, then it gets this buildup, and then I get my hopes up.'' Wow, was that an actual admission by Lauren that was personal instead of scripted? Has she graced us with some kind of human emotion other than bitterness, jealousy, or apathy?
Before I continue on about the episode, I wanted to mention that Ryan Seacrest aired a very juicy interview yesterday with Lo and Stephen. Highlights included the revelations that Lo is about to graduate from UCLA (it's about time someone on this show got a college degree!), that Stephanie Pratt pretty much can't stand Lo, and that Stephen was merely making an appearance on last night's show because Hills exec producer Adam Divello asked him too! So much for ''reality'' and the possibility of Lauren and Stephen rekindling their almost romance. Also — not that I want to give him any more unnecessary publicity — Spencer called into the radio show and went off about Lauren's alleged sex tape (go figure) and his ''flawless'' (his word, I swear) relationship with Heidi. Seriously, people, this is a must-listen!
Okay, back to more important matters: the housewarming party. So Brody not only showed up with a gift in hand (the ALL house's third juicer!), he also brought along his infamous girlfriend (you know, the one he met and apparently fell in love with while Lauren was in Paris for only one week), Cora, who according to Lo, is ''very pretty with very large breasts.'' Lauren solemnly nodded in agreement but was immediately revived by the sight of Stephen walking in, chomping fiercely on a piece of gum. The two did the small-talk thing, and then he invited her out to dinner. Or on a date — she wasn't really sure.
NEXT: Gin and platonic
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