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So Birthday Girl Melissa and her terrifying mother showed up to sample the food. For appetizers, the women presented shrimp scampi, and the men offered a stuffed chicken wing. Because Melissa had never tasted shrimp before (????), the men won. Up next: The women made a halibut with Shayna's slow-roasted mango salsa, while the men presented a shrimp and asparagus dish. Sadly, Melissa hates asparagus, so despite her mother's concerns about the fish, the ladies took this round. Finally, it was the women's pomegranate flank steak vs. the men and their filet mignon. As Melissa had never seen pomegranate seeds before (????) and the mignon had a dreaded piece of shrimp on it (guess what was on special at the farmers' market), our birthday girl seemed stuck. Terror!Mom gave Mel a gentle nudge, and she gave the guys the win. As a reward, they went go-karting. I don't know what it says about Bobby that this was the first thing he seemed comfortable doing outside of a kitchen all season.
As the men drove in circles, the women stayed behind to decorate the dining room for Mel's party, under the flamingly gay direction of a central casting party planner. I don't remember if he's the one they've used before on this show, but hey, if Fox can't be bothered to make subtle choices, I can't be bothered to discern between them. Terror!Mom popped by during this to deliver some staged dialogue about the napkins looking fugly; Shayna came up with a clever solution; this was edited to make it seem like Corey stomped off because she couldn't deal with Shayna's clever napkin solution. Score one for the foreshadowing team...
...and then remove that point and another 50 or 60 more from the tote board for the totally lame-ass tease about Corey and Louross' illicit moment in the hot tub, which turned out to not exist. Come on, Fox! Is that what you really think of us? That we're so swayed by any hint of romance/showmance that we'd accept the possibility of the tiny Louross and the Amazonian Corey getting it on? That we'd want to see Louross and Corey getting it on? Yuck, and also, yuck! Are you just starved for skin content, Fox? Is that what it is? Then I've got an idea: Maybe don't cast 27 basically unattractive lunatics next season!
Whew. Look at me, all riled up, and it's not even dinner service yet. Here is what went wrong there: Christina didn't put any mushrooms in the risotto. Rosann undercooked Melissa's steak. Matt overcooked Terror!Mom's halibut. Ramsay kicked Rosann off the meat and made Mel's filet himself; Bobby kicked Matt off the fish and fixed the halibut himself. ''Move out the way,'' Bobby said to Matt. ''You're acting like I'm doing a bad f---ing job,'' Matt whined to Bobby. All together now: ''You are!'' Then Matt called Bobby ''threatening'' (presumably something to do with skin color), and Corey called Shayna slow (because she's overweight), and I sort of tuned out the rest of the episode. Somewhere in here, Chef Ramsay told Matt, ''You can only hide for so long,'' and I thought for a second Matt was going to cry, but I don't like looking that closely at his eyes because they frighten me, so I can't be sure.
NEXT: The wrong goodbye
